Thursday, July 27, 2006

I usually get kissed before I get fucked.

Wow. So who in the bloody fuck can afford to ever buy a house? Seriously. Without someone dying and leaving an inheritence, that is. Just optioning a house, saying, "I think I may want this one," is $100. Then the appraisal, $400. Then the inspection, $400. You will never see any of this money again and it is not part of the closing money. Then you give them between $500 and $1000 for "earnest money," or something to that effect. This is part of closing, but all I know is I have to pay them $500--$1000. Jesus. Christ.

And what is it about Thursdays? Every single one of these bastards--I feel like each and every Thursday I know without a shadow of a doubt by noon that I will be requiring alcohol by the time I get home. What would I do if I actually had an important job? I won't say this job's not stressful, but it's a little stupid. The hell would I do if it were actually important? I guess I'd just give up and bend over.

Anyway. Very excited Mob and his divine wife will be in town this weekend, should be a blast to see them again. I won't be in on the Not Bachelor Party, but I think we've established that that's ok. I'm fairly certain there's to be a real bachelor party later, thrown by Mob and our old roommate Rob. I hope K will make an appearance as well, in addition to several of the wonderful friends they've introduced me to as of late, and I myself shall be witness to these crazy shenanigans. As D himself said, "It just wouldn't be a bachelor party without my wife!"

VERY ready to go home. At this point, don't really care what that would do to my hours!

Have I made it abundantly clear I hate people? I hate people.

I am also starving and grumpy but deflecting stupid fucks fairly well at this point. Some cheese would be nice. Queso. And beer. There is just something about days like today where nothing tastes like a good beer. I find that to be only vaguely concerning.

And now that you've all decided I'm a belligerent alcoholic, I shall take my leave of you.

5 comments:

alex said...

Heh heh heh. Best Michael Douglas line ever. (You know he signed on to that project just because he spotted that line in the script.)

"It just wouldn't be a bachelor party without my wife!"

That's just awesome. :D

Ellen Aim said...

Actually, it was almost a tie. Al Pacino says in Dog Day Afternoon, "Kiss me. When I'm being fucked, I like to get kissed a lot."

Good second choice.

Mob said...

I always love your post titles, and we'll seeya tomorrow.

And yes, Rob and I need to nail down details about the real party, but I wanna fly in for that one, as I have zero interest in driving five hours home with a hangover.

sKincarver said...

Buying a house is 9 fucking kinds of a nightmare. There's more hidden costs than a government contractor. Lucky for me my wife's an accountant.

And the closing...no shit...2 solid hours of signing papers. Good luck to you guys. Have an awesome Not Bachelor Party. Kick Mob in the ding-ding and tell him it's from me.

Veloute said...

I agree, buying a house is a nightmare. The signing is soooo annoying. I'm sure I told you all about the closing (the paper signing part which seemed to take decades) where the banker only talked to Doug *except* when she emphasized---more than once---that we were "jointly responsible" for the mortgage. Then she looked at me. Fucking cunt.

This sounds like a great bachelor party.