Wednesday, January 27, 2010

It's girls and spaghetti! We love girls and spaghetti!

Happy Birthday, Veloute!!

A completely nonsensical video fun to start off with...

...finished up with something, well, a little disturbing. Jemaine has a sexy dance for you!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

You play that thing one more time and I'm gonna melt it down into hairspray.

So I went to my usual late-lunch place towards the end of last week. It's my little hideaway very close to school where I've never seen another student. I sneak away in the late afternoon sometimes when I can't be in that building anymore. I love it. Plus I have two waitresses who know me by heart and promptly bring me my chicken sandwich and Hoegaarden. It's like the opposite of that Frantics skit.

But last week I was working when she brought my second Hoegaarden and when I finally glanced up to retrieve it, I noticed that infact, it had a giant black straw sticking out of it. I laughed, and the next time she walked by I asked, "Really? I really look like I need a straw today?" Apparently she was also preparing a water at the time, but I thought it was funny in any case.

(I did not drink it with the straw, thanks.)

Completely unrelated, but I have been recently partaking of Student Health Services, and even though they don't seem to be able to maintain appointments any better than an unconscious crack-whore (they rescheduled on me TWICE in one week), the woman I see is so much better than nearly anyone I've ever seen before, I really don't care. But long story short, I ran across this on TFLN and had to snicker...

(217): So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy.

And because good things come in threes (no pun intended, considering the last one):

757: Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town.

(918): I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. Law students are so technical.

That's right, I'm back to phoning it in, people.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

So glad I listened to ya, dad!

If you play violins, I will tear this place apart.

Lmao, tell 'em, honey.

Severely humorous, articulate and very short in his thanks for Best Actor. Well, well deserved, to one of my remarkable favorite actors, Robert Downey, Jr.

And WOW, hooraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for Jeff Bridges for winning!! It's about goddamn time, talk about underrated.

I had a penis reduction, so just the one now.

James Cameron, really?

GROSS, dude. Just...gross.

Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning.

Very cute line about a "Martin Scorsese Award" in regards to tonight's Cecil B. DeMille Award. I didn't realize they were giving him an award tonight...

I don't have the time at the moment, and I won't pretend all his 80s movies were a big impact on my love of film (though they were to some extent, I mean, DAMN, Taxi Driver, anyone?), but his 90s efforts (literally, starting with Goodfellas) and current films very surely were/are. Great sound, music, acting, characters...the whole package. The man was clearly never afraid of making an impact--and judging from The Departed, still isn't--which I love. And I regard him as an incredible artist and remarkable filmmaker, someone whose films are always worth watching...anytime, anywhere. I grew up watching and learning from his movies and they made a huge impact--I hope they continue to do so.

And I know my friend Louisa is back home in Tokyo dripping with her usual effusive adoration for Mr. Martin Scorsese. He has, I have no doubt, never received the attention and awards his films you know he's good. ;)

Details of your incompetence do not interest me.

How is it possible that Meryl Streep looks so normal (you know, lines, shadows, age, etc) in Julie & Julia but then at these award shows, with no special lighting, effects, cameras, etc., she looks so goddamn gorgeous? The woman just glows with awesomeness.

(And I am here to say that I would bet nations that Julia Roberts is drunk right now. Seriously, I can spot that shit. And right on, the woman has twins and a third kid, it's probably a rare night out, I'd be eight sheets to the wind, too. But kudos to her, I saw her laugh out loud at NBC--in their face on live TV--"You guys are in the toilet right now!" That was so fucking great.)

Colin Farrell pokes hilarious fun at Meryl Streep for being nominated twice in one category. And she WINS, natch. DUH, and well deserved! No shit, this woman is just so modest and genuine, how does she keep this up. What a neat, neat lady.

Mariah Carey times!

That was a line from Tina Fey, answering that she didn't think 30 Rock would win anything tonight and that they were just going to sit at their table and get drunk. And how great a speech would that be, the interviewer said, when you win anyway (all drunk)? Given her answer of the above, I had to laugh.

Nicole is looking simply ravishing in a slinky pink satin number. NOT a fluffy cotton candy pink number like that one Barbie dress her daughter picked out a couple years back. And she takes a moment to mention the Haiti relief George Clooney is running, mentioning she's not sure where he is at that moment...honey, I'm pretty sure, based on female reaction all night at every one of these events for the past ten years, THERE IS A CLOONEY CAM, YO.

And Mo'Nique wins! She did do an incredible job, and her speech is actually pretty touching. :)

And WOWZERS, Toni Collette just snaked a win from the always-winning Tina Fey (whom I do love, don't mistake this) for her role in United States of Tara! Did I not just recently mention how awesome she makes that? It's written by Diablo Cody, but you honestly can't tell, it's a good thing. Collette and Fey are both lovely, but I'm glad (and Fey seems to be, too) they're giving awards to those who haven't had them yet.

You know, if you wouldn't open your mouth everything would be just fine.

Btw, I'm too lazy to take still shots tonight so I'll just post random pics I happen to like of the celebs, which is more fun for me anyway.

Marion Cotillard looks unusually skinny tonight? Maybe it is her super slinky black number. But she is so fabulous.

And is it just me or is Bradley Cooper a weird love child of Ralph Fiennes and Matthew McConnaughey?

Wow, my delicious husband Colin Firth just showed up. The annoying interviewer was playing with his bling buttons and cuff links. He admitted he could never afford either, but all I know is he can just talk for days, wear those cuff links and honey, we're in business.

Whoops, sorry. I mean, "He's a very talented actor." *cough*

Mariah Carey's tits just showed up. They brought the face, too, but uh, I can't stop staring at her weird balloon tits.

Okay, this may not actually be Mariah Carey, it may even be a drag queen.

But you know how I feel about that shit, I can't really post her face here. And this way you get the idea.

But you know, I did hear that Helen Mirren originally had her part in Precious but dropped out. And now Mariah's all, "They put all this ugly makeup on me..." Um, no. They didn't put any makeup on you, honey, that's why it worked. You looked normal. Bitch, you shoulda kept your mouth shut, I was kinda liking you for once. But no, you open your mouth and remind me just what a total waste of flesh you actually are, kthxbai.


Whew! There's Bob to save the day! My gorgeous other husband, he and Colin alternate days. Lookin' good, hope he wins tonight, he was the only thing Sherlock Holmes had going for it.

Well, that and fun. Shirtless fun. *cough* Anyway.

Give me the full Don Draper treatment. I wanted it and I got it and it was even better than they said.

Aw, January Jones brought her daddy to the Golden Globes! She looks pretty glam in a sleek and (unusually) reserved black number. But did her daddy see her on GQ?! Cause dude.

Who am I kidding. If I had ladies like that I'd probably do that cover, too.

On a side note, the House, M.D. ladies are all looking gorgeous, I must say.

Monday, January 11, 2010

As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit. You won't need much, just a tiny taste.

So I watched Cheri and boy was it mediocre. Seriously, this hat was one of the best moments.

The creepy May-December romance that kicked off 11 minutes in would have been less creepy if she hadn't kept referring to knowing him as a 6-year-old. And while it may have been intentional and certainly a key aspect of the film, well, um, Michelle Pfieffer was not always looking...well, I really hesitate to blame age because I truly think the fact that she appeared to weigh 90 pounds soaking wet was the real problem. She looked positively anorexic. When one appears gaunt, it's just not sexy.

Anyway. It wasn't overly long at least, and it was mildly enjoyable the way a trip to the dentist is great when you don't hear you have a cavity. It wasn't offensively bad but it was a pretty piss-poor effort overall. In my opinion, anyway.

And sure, Rupert Friend is pretty easy on the eyes...

Yes, he loves putting on her pearls. Don't ask. (This picture alone promises so much more than the movie ever delivers.) But the character ended up being such a bratty wanker...the actor did well by the character for the most part, but at some point it was just too much to ask for me to care.

I worked out again today, yay me. I need to push myself a little harder, I realize, but as I said, I'm just thrilled to establish some sort of routine. As long as my exercise regime is slightly more exerting than something on a Liz Lemon level, I can't get too down about it, right?

Classes are really going to kick my ass this semester, too. We start earlier and end later nearly every day, even though the load is only slightly more this semester. Sadly, it's just spread out really poorly. Not to mention my new class sort of terrifies the fuck out of me.

And my little cat is still keeping me company every afternoon with his sad little e-collar on. Apparently 2 weeks away is too long, someone started scratching at old war wounds. It's the most pathetic thing ever, especially when he tries to clean himself and ends up chasing various body parts while running into things with his e-collar...I may join him after much more studying.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

You're so suitable!

I haven't looked at my blog stats in ages, since let's face it, I haven't blogged much this past six months. But I found two very disturbing things, and it's a tie...I can't decide which is more fucked up.

A) someone out there is looking for a Cannibal Holocaust mug (depending on where they work I may actually be in favor of this)

B) more than one person is not only looking for, but has been directed to my blog in their quest for "Gretchen Carlson's titties."


I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALEX!! What kind of birthday would it be without Maru?

I like the first video in 2009.

And check it out! The "official" music video for Nowhere Fast! This is basically a shitty trailer, but hey. It has a lot of crap B roll I'd never seen before. Needless to say, the stripper features prominently...

But damn. Getting to see that with you in the theater was such a high-ranking bucket list moment. Must do it again sometime.

And because no birthday is complete without a shame parade...

For the record, I still want Cece's bedroom wall in the beginning. You know, the "He...he never loved me!" wall. Meaning I probably need Kelly's lips phone to go with.

I'm pretty sure I post the same shit every year, but they are variations on the same shit, at least. Should have re-watched while I was home, ha ha! And you know, I have vivid memories of the last time we watched this, both of us laughing at the kid in this clip with the "You Are Always Alone" wall and for the life of me, I have no idea why. Booze?

And I held back, not posting the mesh-up of The Linguini Incident with the tune of Hungry Eyes video.

Needless to say, your present is gonna be late...just got back to town, you know! ;)

Saturday, January 09, 2010

Apparently I ain't the only cat on the block that digs Cheetohs!

I actually have a horror movie to recommend! So my dad sent me a list of top ten darker 2009 movies ("10 movies in 2009 you didn't see"), most of which I was able to add to my Netfux queue. I already watched Not Quite Hollywood, which I do recommend. (I think Mob enjoyed it as well, if memory serves.) I’m really not a huge fan of exploitation films but from time to time, they are…entertaining. Well, this look at all Aussie exploitation (Ozploitation!) is really neat, though I can’t say there were any I’m going to personally seek out. (Well, maybe Road Games, ironically the one often looked down upon for casting Americans). But the documentary itself is certainly fun to watch.

Anyway, the horror movie is called Grace.

It’s obvious from the start that it’s either got a decent budget or at least people who know how to shoot as if they have one. Not your usual amateur effort. While I don’t need to see Grace again, it’s really well done. It has the exact sort of pacing, timing, effects and camera work that make a really entertaining horror movie. It’s not over-the-top gore (though there are a couple choice scenes) but it’s also not really a suspense psychological thriller either; it’s just really messed up.

The film seems to be made by people who appreciate horror and love the genre and who certainly have a sense of humor about it. It’s a little reminiscent of early Peter Jackson horror, just not ramped up to 11 like his films are. But on the other hand, Grace does feature an I don’t mean to say it’s mild, either. But it’s got that fun charisma that holds it together and it’s got some pretty nice camera work, which really helps elevate it to a level higher than most horror efforts these days.

So if you like horror movies at all, this was a lot of fun. I wouldn’t want to own it, but I enjoyed watching it.

Also started watching The United States of Tara, which I am really, really enjoying.

It has some great moments, and Toni Collette always makes things worth watching. And even though I was never a fan of Aidan on Sex and the City (unlike most people...but sue me, the guy was a total snooze fest...and I mean the character, not the actor), John Corbett is perfect as her husband. It’s funny and entertaining, just what I need now that the semester’s nearly back on.

Speaking of new semesters and the new year, I have actually worked out three times this week. I haven’t exactly been killing myself when I work out, and the amount of cheese, alcohol and carbs I consume before and after probably means that overall, I’m doing sweet fuck-all to help my health. But hey, if I can establish somewhat of a routine with working out, maybe the diet will follow. Even minute adjustments would probably do wonders. And while I’ve been exercising, I’ve been listening to my Spanish podcasts (gotta pick up a language before graduation cause hey, nothing better to do, right?). So I’m the girl on the treadmill muttering, “Are you from here?” in Spanish. Awesome.

Here’s to keeping it up for another week…

Monday, January 04, 2010

I didn't sign up for this shit!

Wow. Avatar was just...bad.

You know I can get behind some fun, goofy crap from time to time. And for the first half of the film, I was totally willing to go with it. But then it just got too awful. It took itself very seriously, the dialogue went from corny to giggle-worthy, and ultimately, there was just too much silly bullshit for me to navigate my way around.

In nearly equal parts, Avatar made me extremely uncomfortable, made me roll my eyes, or made the MST3K voices in my head go off constantly. And it was LONG. What I thought was the unbearable last 30 minutes may have infact been the unbearable last hour.

The first half was passable, you know, it wasn't so bad. But there was this "taming" scene with some beasts...maybe it was just me, but my sister was able to second my unease...well, it was just way too rape-y for my tastes.

As for the Na'vi themselves, why even start a rant when this article, Please Mount My Hot Blue Alien, nails it so much better than I. Funny and spot-on. Thanks, Alex!

I threw out all my Colin Firth movies in case they thought that was "erotica."

I have had a very relaxing break back home, and I'm still not ready to go back. For one thing, yes, it is still in the 30s in TX, but you know what? It's 2 back in Boston. If that. Snowing, windy, and DARK. I enjoy snow as much as any girl from TX, but I kinda like it IN TX where I know it will melt soon. So kinda not looking forward to dragging my luggage through the snow (again) back to my apartment!

But I have been catching up on non-school books and movies. I read Shutter Island, which, although decent and enjoyable, was really not terribly special in my opinion. I think I've just read better books of that ilk and there weren't any surprises in it for me. I love Lehane's Kenzie-Gennaro books, so I was a little disappointed by this one. I honestly think, if done right, it could potentially be a more enjoyable movie. (Even if DiCaprio doesn't look as old or weathered as I imagined Teddy to be, but hey, whatever.)

I haven't checked off a huge number of Golden Globe nominees, but I did see Up In the Air. Wow. That is NOT the comedy everyone touts it to be. Why it even gets categorized as a comedy is beyond me. It's not even really a black comedy; it's a drama with a few laughs maybe? It's a little depressing but realistic and overall very enjoyable; I would highly recommend it, but admittedly it's not the upper one might seek. I did really respect it, however, for a lot of the plot choices. I also got to grin a little as a former employee of one of the companies largely featured in the film. So happy I'm not anymore.

(For the record, Brassed Off! still holds my personal record for most poorly-categorized movie ever. I mean, look at the video cover art.)

Did you see this? This ain't no fuckin' rom-com, guys. It's a fairly depressing look at a brass band who live and practice in a small British town during the demise of their coal industry (I haven't seen it in several years, but that's the gist). Everyone's in debt, utterly depressed, I think there's a suicide attempt and all the characters can no longer maintain even a scrap of hope. THE HELL IS UP WITH THE COVER OF THAT VIDEO BOX, YOU KNOW? I mean, I remember laughing ONCE at a cute line, but it is not a comedy by any means.

Sorry, just one of my rants...

And speaking of uplifting, I'm going to start reading The Road next since I wanted to read it before seeing it...keep the sharp objects away! Definitely going to need something actually uplifting here pretty soon...