Tuesday, January 23, 2007

My favorite is Cherry Chocolate Garcia... except technically I think it's a frozen yogurt.

Well, four out of five isn't bad. And no one saw that coming: Dreamgirls getting nixed and Little Miss Sunshine going in. I'm kinda glad Dreamgirls didn't get the best pic nod (cause it sucked), but that only made room for another mediocre film. And three of the five will be on DVD by the time the show rolls around. Which makes it easier for me, yeah!

It also occurs to me I never finished up my "I Hate" list. I think I left off at no.7?

#7. Assholes who don't wave.

I know these are supposed to be from childhood, but screw it. I've been driving for 11+ years, so whatevah. Everyone in TX (and most places, really) drive like shit. It's hard enough to contain the rage. And yet, amazingly, you can do the stupidest fuckwit thing ever to me in traffic (aside from hit me) and you know what? If you WAVE the "sorry, I know I am an assface, moo moo!" wave, it all melts away. So easy. And I nearly always let people in--if you don't wave (because really, NO ONE lets you in down here), you're a fucker. Period.

#8. Dallas Radio.

Blows. It's all owned by Clear Channel, it's all the same shit. It all sounds like eight different varieties of Nickelback, whom I loathe. And before you call me old, I never liked the radio here even when I was younger. Then it was fucking grunge. And really, even if I enjoyed listening to what is the music equivalent of an ass spackling the back of the toilet, they play the same shit over and over! Austin radio was minutely better (ok, tons better, but from what I understand there are cities out there with radio stations that play actual variety, local music, whatever), but Dallas is a positive black hole for radio. I refuse.

D listens to the talk radio station here, which is perhaps the worst of all. The afternoon guy, in particular, is the most gigantic arrogant twatface. I think he tried to pay some small town around here to change its name to his name? D doesn't like him, but tunes in regardless. It baffles me. I guess the talk radio station here does have Love Line, but again, not worth it.

Bless the ipod. (And before that, my portable CD player).

#9. Assfucks who embarrass me as a Texan/American.

Again, this isn't really from childhood, but you could say it stems from it. In elementary school, I really hated any questions along the lines of, "Where do you go to church?", "Do you believe in God?", etc. Or in third grade when the teacher made us have a moment of silence before lunch which was the thinnest fucking facade I ever saw, and I knew it even at that age. I still kept my eyes open and just kinda looked around and waited for lunch.

As an adult, it's mostly ignorant jerks who make me cringe. Like here in the DFW metroplex, the city of Farmers Branch has made English the official language and anyone who cannot speak English can be arrested. Amazingly, they are being sued. Fox News reports that to help out the Farmers Branch legal defense, this "radio personality" from the big local Christian station raised an obscene amount of money by selling these shirts:

So. Embarrassing.

While I hardly support toting guns, I support stupidity even less. So can we just blast a hole in anyone wearing these things?

Every time I meet someone who falls into this category I think, "Ah, yes, you're the reason the entire world hates us."

I have no idea what #10 is. It won't be the biggest, baddest one, just something that occurs to me during my long-ass commute that's good enough for a bitchrant.

But in the spirit of bitching, here is some wonderful writing, sent by my dad nearly every year, yes! The 50 Most Loathsome People of 2006.


Veloute said...

What is with the 3rd grade teacher? Did we have the same one? Mrs. Stubblefield? We had to pray in line before going to lunch, though. Thankfully, she never called on me to do it :O She was scary.

And... I think you need to move.

Ellen Aim said...

Nah, I went to Newton Rayzor. Mrs. Mitchell. God she was scary. I guess they all were.

Blancodeviosa said...

I never wave because I never see anyone. I am a driving oblivious lil thing. I own my own little world.

Triana said...

Gads...ok, my third grade teacher use to tell us stories about the next coming of Christ and how the world was going to be destroyed in fire (she later explained that in The Grand Plan that God was going to destroy the earth 5 times: water, fire, stones, sticks, the 5th round will be a combination of it all). She also told us that great beings will arise from the earth and be able to tell if you were marked one of the ones to go to Heaven or not. Let me tell you I was scared *shitless* all through 3rd grade and had nightmares about dying in fire. Of course I still had no interest in church, but I did worry about it.

Mental note: Make your children skip the 3rd grade. Ain't worth it.

Veloute said...

Oh, right! Newton Razor. I forgot. MITCHELL! Sorry. I remember I couldn't stop crying in the 3rd grade. I was terrified. Mrs. Stubblefuck called me a "cry baby" all the time, too. Yeah, that helps.

But I'm not bitter.

Triana O_o What is with these scary teachers!

Ellen Aim said...

blanco: I'm totally always in my own world. But that's why I'm big on waving, I'm probably always doing something stupid.

Triana: I think that tops absolutely everything. Jesus. I'm thinking the public schools around here don't sound so good...

Vel: did she REALLY?? Jesus Christ!! I'm starting to think I had it easy. What a BITCH!!

I do remember Mrs. Mitchell got so mad at all of us once she left and slammed the door and the clock fell and shattered while we all just sat there in silence. For a long, long time.

alex said...

You guys, holy shit?!

vel - O_o?! Let's say a little prayer that before she wasted away from a painfully crippling neon green skin-eating fungus, she tripped one morning at recess and a thousand ants targeted her explosive hemorrhoids, and yet before she could perish from anaphylactic shock, a pack of rabid wolves descended and pecked out her eyes. Though I'd rather go back in time and kick her in the shins with my kindergarten feet of justice. >:(

(Though justice might be something more like her receiving a class like my fifth grade class, who were apparently so outrageously undisciplined that we spent 65% of our school year in a silent time out, and the vice principal was regularly brought in to scream at us.)

triana - omgwth?? That is breathtaking. Fifty bucks says her morning coffee was heavily spiked. XD; *...hopes*

ellen - Wow. It was always a special moment when teachers lost it, wasn't it? Takes me back to orchestra.

(...Guys, my third grade teacher was a total sweetie. Mrs. Jones (no, Ellen--NOT 6th grade Mrs Jones O_o;; *twitch*). Wore flawless diva quantities of makeup. And I remember she was pregnant, and when she left on maternity leave, she was replaced by someone totally not as cool.)

Triana said...

What the hell is with 3rd grade teachers? Crybaby? How on earth is this even remotely acceptable for her to say? Isn't she suppose to be stopping the other mean bullies from saying things like that not promoting it? Bah!

The crazier thing with my teacher is I remember us all loving her. She was very pretty and had quite the magnetic personality. I guess when you prophecy doom you need to have something to keep your audience. She had a fabulous grab bag you got to pull from when you were good. I got an Empire Strikes Back movie poster!

That was also the year Michael H. screamed at Leslie L. "Get off my case toilet face!!" which sent the whole class over the edge with laughter because, OMG, he said TOILET.

daveyyojimbo said...

Personally, I would've chosen Bush over McCain for the number one spot or at least Cheney. 36 and 31 suprised me a bit given the general political outlook of the list. Well written and humorous but self rightousness of any vitriolic stripe whether far right or far far left scares me. Too many zealots in this world. Having said that, I tend to be more liberal/progressive myself and religious nuts certainly scare me more than PC nuts. Course Stalin was an athiest but he managed to kill millions of people as well. Sigh, I really despair for humanity...

Ellen Aim said...

Alex: LOVE your first scenario of justice. Sounds about right for nearly every teacher at that elementary.

Triana: I'm so using "toilet face" today, that's it. I remember grab bags!!

Daveyyo: 36 kinda surprised me, but not 31. And how can they NOT have Bush at 1? And at least they make a mild attempt to include themselves in the list (which, you know, TOTALLY excuses any self-righteousness...right?). I agree with you theoretically, but sadly, if it's well written enough, I let it slide at any signs of real intelligence...it's just something I'm so not used to.

Veloute said...

I was also totally shocked that Bush wasn't #1. McCain? Really?

Alex, I LOVE your justice.

triana, mrs stubblefuck also had the Grab Bag! I could pick something if I hadn't cried that day.

ellen: love the visual of the clock falling and shattering and all of you sitting in silence.