Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Savor me like the last rose of summer.

First of all, to Pam & Steve, anonymous customers somewhere out there, I have just one question. If you are going to send us a CD entitled "Adult Fun Pam & Steve In Japan," I think you at least owe me the explanation of why "In Japan," is even necessary when you only took extreme close-ups of each other's genitals. Do you do this in numerous countries? Do you need to keep them straight? And why were the last four titled "Surgery1" through "Surgery4"? Especially when they were just Pam's legs spread wide into the air? The visuals are repulsive enough, I don't need additionally disturbing titles (or randomly confusing ones for that matter). Thanks.

Then last night TiVO brightened my day considerably by taping The Colbert Report for me. I've been meaning to watch it, but you know how those things go. Oh my god. I kneel before it. If the show started telling me to do things, I just might. And I kneel before the TiVO and its wisdom. (Actually, it so seldom guesses our tastes right I nearly wet myself when it does).

And speaking of funny, I spent the better part of yesterday (at work) surreptitiously reading a now-defunct blog called The Daily Dump. An oddly weird work story ties in with this. The personnel manager buys paper towels and tissues for the store, including for the backroom lab, where I work. He will always announce these purchases with the grandeur of someone replacing my Godiva truffle stash (if I had one). I don't even use the frigging tissues, but he does. That's fine, but if I don't even use them I also don't care if they are 'lotion' tissues (which sounds vaguely creepy, now that I'm typing it) or anti-viral tissues. And while we're at it, how often and for how long can you discuss the purchase of tissues? Quite often and for a while, in case you wanted to know.

Anyhow, thanks to The Daily Dump, I used those stupid tissues twice yesterday. The first time, well, wait. In this scenario, I'll be played by Cameron Diaz, as it's more or less a Cameron Diaz kind of move. I wasn't expecting it to be that funny, it caught me off guard. Let's just say I laughed with my nose. The tissues came into play. The second time, I was laughing for so long and hard that I started to cry. Then I got paranoid that someone would come into the backroom and want to know what was wrong. I was kinda screwed either way. Either I had to make something up to be upset about or admit that I was dicking around reading some random blog. Luckily, it never came up.

So far, I can give you three examples that are my favorites. I'm thrilled there are a ton of archives. Work is sounding good today.

1. Name Baby 'Shit'
2. Massive Erections Around the Corner
3. Fuck You, Owl!

And considering I wrote the above in the AM and it is now into the late PM, today was actually full of stupid work and I didn't get to play at all. Oh well. There is always tomorrow. And Thursday holds the promise of "wintery mix" and therefore, a very dead work day.


sKincarver said...

The daily dump is some funny shite.
I'm hoping for another baby now, just so I can name him Cocksucker McGillicuty, 13.


sKincarver said...
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