Friday, July 11, 2008

How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests?

What a week. I haven't gotten much sleep, between helping someone move and staying out late to play in Dallas...infact there was sort of a night in there where I may not have really slept at all. So forgive me for any egregious typos or nonsensical writing...

Got up at 6am for my 730am chiropractor appointment. I have never been to one before, but I am aware of the quack reputation the entire profession seems to have. I was even treated to a five minute video presentation before my appointment. It was not as crudely produced as you might think, though it did include one title card during a montage that read, "Chiropractors Are Well Educated!" That's a little bit like when people have to tell you that they're smart. But I let it slide. After all, I was already there at that ungodly hour.

So based on my problem, she took a few X-rays. While they developed, I got "therapy," which involved my laying down and her attaching two small pads (which are hooked up to a machine) to my shoulders. It used electricity and it was alternating between tingling and tapping as it relaxed my muscles. Neat-weird. I liked. (Though I admit all I could think of at first was Peter Venkman administering electric shocks at the beginning of Ghostbusters, don't ask me why.)

Then she explained the X-rays to me and I got an "adjustment." I could see the problem on the X-rays, where my spine is starting to curve and there is too much space where they should be lining up instead. She said it could be caused by something that happened years ago (a bad fall, whiplash from a car accident, etc) but is being exacerbated by me--how I hold my head or whatever it is I do to cause the inflammation. I'm also supposed to start paying more attention to how I hold my head. Yeah, that'll happen.

My mother also noted, before I went, that perhaps I should see a real doctor. That honestly didn't even occur to me, as I tend to think of "real doctors" as being for more eyes/ears/throat types of situations. Plus I haven't seen a "real doctor" in years. But that's what insurance is for, neat-o!

But back to the quack. (That's my little joke, she was fine). She gave me two adjustments. I had heard of this, but I have never, you know, been adjusted. It doesn't take long, but it's kind of jarring. Not in a bad way--nor does it hurt. I laid down and had a few borderline-kung fu movements done to my spine and then flipped over and done to my neck. Holy jesus that was interesting. It did feel pretty great, though.

I'm going back next Thursday, and we'll see. I don't want this to be something that just goes on indefinitely (it would get a little pricey, for one thing), but I also realize you probably can't just fix your neck in one go.

Otherwise, I plan on doing fuck-all this weekend. The world's best husband assembled the pain-in-the-ass gazebo I bought. Apparently whoever wrote the instructions was not well acquainted with the nuances of the English language. Like getting it to make sense. (Nor did the lack of pictures help any.) But it's all together and I must take a pic soon. It's not the traditional wood type you're thinking--it's four-posted and metal, with a tented top and mosquito netting.

Now that the fence has been repaired, I can sit in that part of the yard without having to banter with the annoying neighbors behind us. (Think of the stereotypical, "How 'bout them Cowboys?" type and that would be they. Also, these are the neighbors with whom Mouchette had the dog altercation. Good times.) Cannot wait til my lace elm obliterates them from view completely. (Ok, they are not so bad, I just want to have a very private backyard Triana-style).

But regardless, I'll be reading in my gazebo all weekend, polishing off The Post-Birthday World (which is quite good so far), Mystery Train: Images of America in Rock 'n' Roll, Dancing Barefoot (Wil Wheaton), and The Illustrated Atlas of Jewish Civilization. Add some white wine, maybe throw in a little Battlestar Galactica and that's my weekend-to-be!

I can't wait to get started doing nothing.


Veloute said...

Next time we're on the phone, I'll tell you all about my chiropractor experience. To sum it up briefly: meh.

'Course the "real" doctors didn't help, either, so...

I want to visit you and read and drink in your gazebo. Sigh.

Ellen Aim said...

Want to hear about your chiro experience, for sure! I'll try to call you this weekend...

Please come drink in my gazebo! I will make us divine cosmos!!

SkylersDad said...

I do a combination of Massage therapy and Chiro care. It works for keeping my lower back from giving me too many problems.

Ellen Aim said...

Your lower back and my upper back should get together and go bowling.

Triana said...

Mmm...massage therapy is the best! I have upper back/shoulder issues due to my sitting in front of a computer too much all day. Then of course, there's the sciatica. Yoga works for everyday up-keep but there's nothing like a fabulous massage therapist who knows what they're doing. I usually only have to see her about once every 8-10 months.