Friday, August 10, 2007

Respect is fine, but actually I've always wanted to be feared.

D and I have an agreement. He takes care of the roaches (we've been SO LUCKY with their rarity, considering the weather) and I take care of the spiders.

I was just out in the sunroom running the hose to the sprinkler. It's dusk and the light wasn't on in the room. I startled something on the floor and it was goddamn big. I thought it was a goddamn roach.

That was the biggest fucking spider I ever saw. It was like a baby tarantula. I always give D shit about all his "it was huge," bullshit and surely I'm just as guilty when it comes to those filthy bastards whose name I hate having even written up there.

But seriously, man. This was the biggest goddamn spider ever. It was one of those thick bastards, too, no skinny legs here. No Daddy Long Legs or anything simple like that. It blows my mind to even imagine what would have happened to D's brain had he encountered it. I killed the shit out of it. I'm sure it was doing great work out there in the sunroom but we have a rule about size and you have absolutely no business being that big and existing in my sunroom.

If your size nearly makes me shit myself, you get to die.


MacGuffin said...

If it's big enough to feature in one of those old James Bond movies or Hammer films as a menace of some sort, then it's gotta die. Spiders give me the willies as well but not enough that I can't deal with em myself.

Skylers Dad said...

I hate all creepy crawly things, I would rather face a huge snake or lion or something.

Al said...

I used to be really scared of spiders. Now I live alone and have to deal with them. I always try and get them out the house still live ~ in a glass or something and release them in the garden.
I'm sat at the dining room table right now, and the hifi speaker behind me is on a stand. The stand has a big ass spider sitting on the base - no shit. I've got shorts on and no shoes and should the urge take Boris to come a'running towards me, then there's not much I can do.
I think the very fact I haven't killed any spiders in such a long time makes me more at ease around them. I'd like to think that they know I'm not going to squish them and they keep out of my way as a sort of thanks.
Maybe try that?

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Holy crap I too hate spiders. I read a statistic recently about for every one spider you see in your house there are, like, 8 more. So good luck with that.

Ellen Aim said...

MacG: I used to be able to deal with roaches on my own (barely), but now that I have someone to do it for me, I find I am quite spoiled.

Skyler'sD: Lions I can deal with. Snakes weird me out though...only encountered one and just a wee lad. They're all slithery and unpredictable. Yet I might still take snakes over roaches...yes, I know I would, actually.

Al: Nah, man, spiders are loners. They know I know. They don't care if I kill the others. It's just me and them. I usually let them go cause they eat the nasties, but when they get to a certain size, well, time to die.

Cherry: 8 spiders are ok, really. small spiders. Roaches? We don't have roaches. One every six months means ONLY ONE. Only one. Not more. No siree bob. More than one every few months might mean I'd have a meltdown, frankly.

Veloute said...

I'd have totally nailed that sucker. We have lots of spiders here. Lots (none like that yet, thank god). Just ask mom.

So I kill them all b/c there are so many I know I won't make a dent. They don't bother us or anything, but up here in the northeast, I just know the one nondescript brown spider that looks benign is going to be some deadly evil kind.

We do have these really cool awesome white spiders outside. I did take one outside that came in on a lilac.

I guess I also leave the really little gnat like ones alone.

Geesh, I sound like I live in an old house or something.

No R things here (can't write the name). But we have the NE counterpart, I swear. EARWIGS. Really disgusting and all slithery with pinchers. At least they don't FLY.

Al said...

I forgot to mention that you should read Chris' blog from the 8th.

Be happy it wasn't a "cow killer".


Ellen Aim said...

Vel: Yeah, spiders don't really BOTHER me but yeah, I usually end them anyway. So many. EEEEW. EARWIGS. Just the name is creepy. Fuck that.

NOT FLYING is a huge plus on anything's side.

Spoke with someone else today bitching how tricky it was to get to BVT, VT. I was all, "You're tellin' ME, honey!" She appreciated it. (I was looking at Amtrak from BOS-MPR this morning...we'll get there somehow).

Al: Niiiiiiiiiiiice. That is one mean looking ant, I gotta say. Who'da thunk it?? I wouldn't mess with him. I like how he burnt it, shite.

Al said...

I know!

Also, my company, the spider, legged it across the carpet tonight, only to be pawed and eaten by Pip my tabby cat.