Friday, August 10, 2007
Respect is fine, but actually I've always wanted to be feared.
D and I have an agreement. He takes care of the roaches (we've been SO LUCKY with their rarity, considering the weather) and I take care of the spiders.
I was just out in the sunroom running the hose to the sprinkler. It's dusk and the light wasn't on in the room. I startled something on the floor and it was goddamn big. I thought it was a goddamn roach.
That was the biggest fucking spider I ever saw. It was like a baby tarantula. I always give D shit about all his "it was huge," bullshit and surely I'm just as guilty when it comes to those filthy bastards whose name I hate having even written up there.
But seriously, man. This was the biggest goddamn spider ever. It was one of those thick bastards, too, no skinny legs here. No Daddy Long Legs or anything simple like that. It blows my mind to even imagine what would have happened to D's brain had he encountered it. I killed the shit out of it. I'm sure it was doing great work out there in the sunroom but we have a rule about size and you have absolutely no business being that big and existing in my sunroom.
If your size nearly makes me shit myself, you get to die.