Saturday, August 02, 2008

We did not lose Vietnam! It was a tie!

So I'm starting to think I should make more of an effort to interact with people, simply because then this blog would write itself. That's really my only reason, as these have not been good interactions.

Let's start with last night. There's this affordable little steakhouse close to home that has wicked broccoli jalapeno soup and a decent medium rare filet. And I can usually tap into some nearby wireless, so I headed over after work to do a little work and nibbling. Sadly, there is also a really annoying waiter who seems to be working all the time.

The first two times I went with D, and waiter boy was vaguely smarmy but whatever. Then I went with my friend V from work (lady friend) and he asked us if we wanted to do shots. At three in the afternoon. And he always fucking remembers me. So last night I got him again and jesus. I'm sorry, but what an obsequious motherfucker. While I was moving to a bigger table to be able to spread my crap out, he chimed in, "It's always such a pleasure to see you," with way too much sincerity.

Then after bringing me a second glass of wine, "I love serving you." I chuckled awkwardly and said, "Uh, I try to be nice," met more awkwardly with, "Oh, you could be as mean to me as you wanted." One day I will just sit him down and say, "Look. Let me tell you why you're single."

Then long after I had finished eating, I made the mistake of hanging around, as I was chatting online. He fucking sat down across from me, which I ignored for a moment. I think he asked if I was working and I might have said something like, "No, I am chatting with my three big boyfriends and I am going to sic them all over your weenie ass." I left shortly thereafter.

Where do they come from?

Then today. My voice lesson.

Ok, I'm trying not to openly hate the guy, but dude. He never really offers me anything constructive on the songs themselves. And I GET that I need to drop my jaw, but can we maybe work on some other aspects of my singing? So ok, he's already pissing me off, so I decide to sing Lubbock or Leave It for him. Cause if you're not going to help me out, I will [in my passively aggressive way] get at least something out of this.

I start singing and I think, you know, you really have to listen to the lyrics to catch what she's talking about, I bet he doesn't get offended, it'll be fine. But the lyrics are as follows:

Dust bowl, Bible belt
Got more churches than trees
Raise me, praise me, couldn't save me
Couldn't keep me on my knees
Oh, boy, rave on down loop 289
That'll be the day you see me back
In this fool's paradise

Temptation's strong
(Salvation's gone)
I'm on my way
To hell's half acre
How will I ever
How will I ever
Get to heaven now

Throwing stones from the top of your rock
Thinking no one can see
The secrets you hide behind
Your southern hospitality
On the strip the kids get lit
So they can have a real good time
Come Sunday they can just take their pick
From the crucifix skyline

Temptation's strong
(Salvation's gone)
I'm on my way
To hell's half acre
How will I ever
How will I ever
Get to heaven now
Get to heaven now

International airport
A quarter after nine
Paris Texas, Athens Georgia's
Not what I had in mind
As I'm getting out I laugh to myself
Cause this is the only place
Where as you're getting on the plane
You see Buddy Holly's face

I hear they hate me now
Just like they hated you
Maybe when I'm dead and gone
I'm gonna get a statue too

Temptation's strong
(Salvation's gone)
I'm on my way
To hell's half acre
How will I ever
How will I ever
Get to heaven now
Get to heaven now
How will I ever

Get to heaven now

And do you know what he fucking said??

"You know, that poor girl. She has low self-esteem. You know that's what that is, right? All her songs are always about blaming someone else. That's low self-esteem."

I just about fucking died. Ok, first of all, Natalie Maines didn't write the song all by her lonesome, but I guess you could argue that The Dixie Chicks as a whole have low self-esteem.

Yes, that's absolutely it.

Secondly, the only other Dixie Chicks song I've sung is Easy Silence. And while it may have a few choice words about the current administration

Monkeys on the barricades
Are warning us to back away
They form commissions trying to find
The next one they can crucify
And anger plays on every station
Answers only make more questions
I need something to believe in
Breathe in sanctuary in the
Easy silence that you make for me

I wouldn't say the song is throwing around a lot of blame. I mean really, the song is all about finding solace in someone else's company. So what the fuck. Unless someone else is taunting him and bringing in Not Ready to Make Nice, I just don't know.

I'm pretty fucking close to singing that next.


Veloute said...

Low self-esteem? Um, clueless much?

Maybe you need a new voice instructor.

Okay, the waiter. Just mention your husband a few times and maybe he'll back off a bit?

Ellen Aim said...

Totally clueless.

I think so, too bad I signed a contract...which I guess I could get out of. Not quite there yet...

If it hadn't felt so out of nowhere, I would have. It would have been justified, I just would have felt bitchy!