Thursday, May 24, 2007

If he's so weird, why is he wearing Nikes?

A vaguely uninspired went by fairly rapidly considering I spent the better part of it at work. Scary looking storms, very little bite.

Emily and her boyfriend Gene arrive tomorrow, hoping the airport craziness dies down after today's storms. I'm curious to meet Gene...

So I thought I'd entertain you with slang today. I visited Urban Dictionary and clicked on "random word" ten times and voila! Enjoy. (And yes, copied word for word, so those are not my grammatical or spelling errors, but they really add to the charm, don't they?)

1. sex

A painful activity in which a man, using the stiffest and pointiest part of his pelvic region, repeatedly stabs a female in her crotch until he feels satisfied. Can also take place between two men, in which one male stabs the other in the bum. Lesbian "sex" may be fun and all, but it aint real sex unless there is some sort of stabbling going on, perhaps with a cleverly shaped hand or steel dildo.

Time to have sex, Sally Struthers!

2. dingleberry

A delinquent partial turd which grasps anal shrubbery causing brownish crust to accumulate in ones boxers.

My wife tells me that I need to wipe my ass better because my dingleberries are making my underware a nasty mess, however I like the idea of her down in the basement doing laundry and cleaning up my foul nasty underware.

n. - a Klingon near Uranus

Spock needed to tear off a piece of toilet paper for his next mission - elimination of the dingleberry orbiting the black hole.

3. crustini

Dried semen left on the face of a female after a night of hard drinking.

Hey Jerry, did you see Becky this morning? She had huge patch of crustini on her face, I wonder if it was Steve's.

4. moffed

Extremely aggrivated, angry, annoyed, and/or dissapointed in any given situation.
It's miffed to the 100th power.
(Often used in conjunction with variations of the word 'fuck')

"That guy just cut me off, and I'm so fucking moffed up right now!"

5. ass ninja

One who engages in anal sex so quickly and stealthily that the other person is unaware that it has occured.

Bobby was in and out in 9 seconds. He is a true ass ninja.

6. munt

A combination of two words, "Mad" and "Cunt". Used to imply support or appreciation for an individuals action. Most commonly used among young Australian males “Munt” is most effective and prominent in speech during and after large consumptions of alcohol.

Did Jessie smash that chick on the weekend?
Sure did!
Oh what a munt!

7. pain

What happens when you reach into the blender to dislodge a stuck icecube without unplugging it first.

Life has pain.

8. roasting

Sexual act of two men and one girl. One guy in her mouth, one in vagina. Looks as though the girl is on a spit roast.

Lindsay was well up for Carlton and Titus to give her a serious roasting.

9. fupdate

A word we use all the time where I work. It's when a software company releases an update to the program that introduces more bugs than it fixed. It is, of course, a contraction of "fucked up" and "update".

Chris: You get that buggy software doing what you want yet?
Madmann: No, they sent me a fupdate. I'm about a week behind where I was yesterday....

10. nipposexual

A person that is mainly attacted to Japanese people.
This is often associated with the japonophile.

Momus is a nipposexual.


MacGuffin said...

Ass ninja? How can anyone not notice that, even if is for an instant? I assume that says something about their partners size.

And moffed? I don't know, lol, sounds a little, well... off.

"I am soo moffed at her, I could just kill her! The lazy bitch!" Just a tad John Waters-ish to me.

Ellen Aim said...

Lol! That's what I wanted to know! "You were in my ass? Oh honey, and I had no idea!"

One day I'll meet someone who can pull off "moff;" presumably someone with an accent.

"Roasting" gave such an unfortunate mental image, too...I preferred the phrase I picked up from Chasing Amy: "She got filled out like an application."

Al said...

I do like the phrase 'tard cart'.

And being a fan of Brit TV show 'Brass Eye', you'll know why myspace's url is ... which is also in the urban dictionary if you want to look it up.


Ellen Aim said...

Actually I've never seen Brass Eye! But I will have to look into it. and of course now I have to go look up that slang...although perhaps I can guess...