Wednesday, June 28, 2006

This is useless. We just have to walk away like mothers in nursery school.

First of all, thanks oh so much to the goddamn fuckwit fartknocking donkey rapers who run the mailing list who were supposed to let me know when he was coming to town so I didn't end up getting fisted at the drive-thru. Now I have the dilemma of paying ticketmaster an extra SIXTEEN DOLLARS to fuck me in the ass sans lube for "processing" my money, or paying a small bit more for a far better seat from some sleazefuck Dallas scalper. I totally prefer the latter, but after perusing online, apparently those of us who'd just like to go by our lonesome to see Mr. Paul Simon can just go cry all the way home. You are not allowed to see concerts by yourself--all the tickets are sold in 2s. I don't care if you have no friends and no one wants to date you, you must still buy the seat next to you.

I fucking hate this concert bullshit so goddamn much it really is almost enough to keep me home. Not to mention that the cash whores at Nokia Stain Theatre charge $12 for parking and the 12 oz beers of Miller Goddamn Light, for fucks sake, are $6 a pop. A real steal for Dallas. Then hopefully you wouldn't be forced to assault the morons in front of you in a tedious line of cars that aren't moving as you wait to ooze your way back onto I-30. I could buy a male stripper, ride him on a Shetland Pony in the middle of my own bukkake party and still pay less. And not only would my ass hurt far less, I'm sure the whole process would take years off my face.

You know what, I'm fucking staying home. I've seen him from the fourth row, I'm sure he and his billion dollars understand if I'm not there this time.


daveyyojimbo said...

Mags, the "my own bukkake party" made wince wth disgust and the "take years off my face" made me wince and lol at the very same time. Thanks. And to think you're so tender hearted to actually want to hear Paul Simon in concert.

sKincarver said...

Ok, that's 2 bukkake's in 2 blogs and I haven't even had breakfast.

Ellen Aim said...

Well, you know what we always said in Tokyo.."Bukkake is best before breakfast!"

Alex said...

;) Love's a bitch, Duck. Love's a bitch!

Arg, save your money, who could top the ♥FOURTH ROW♥ memory. Can't believe those mailing list tards let you down.

Ellen Aim said...

You're right, Alex. The Backyard in Austin or a corporate shithole in Dallas...hmmm...better not to taint.

And thank you, Daveyyo. I love to make you wince.