Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I Will Never Want That Wagon Wheel Coffee Table.

So last night Derek was very sweet and let me keep watching my show (actually, as he put it, "Hey, I'm drinking, I don't care what we watch!"). Unfortunately, it was a very Bradley-Whitford-focused episode and at least twice Derek said, "Man, he really makes me want to watch Happy Gilmore." Not only does this just make me shudder from shame and make me gag keeping down the hot spits, it also seems vaguely akin to eating a creme brulee, only to look up moments later with disappointment and say, "Man, does anyone have any Cheez Whiz? And I don't need anything to put it on; I'd just like to squirt it right into my mouth if that's okay."

Today, on a completely different topic, I had to explain to Derek that "30 plus days" is actually not "3-4 weeks." The former is the time frame his father gave him for when the grandparents' house may close and the latter is what Derek decided to tell me (and of course I passed on to my lender and realtor). Having found out the proper time frame from my future mother-in-law, I had to call everyone back to figure out how to make an offer. Turns out, some sexual pervert deviant has decided to buy the house before us. However, apparently the buyer seems really shady and both Sam and the other realtor think it will fall apart before the 10-day inspection. So fingers crossed. June 29th is Day 10.

Oddly, I'm not really worried. It's kind of blissful, actually--it's out of my hands, the fuck you gonna do. On the down side but potentially good side--these people do not have money for repairs (the seller, that is). So unless anything major is screwed, we'll be making an offer, but for lower than they're asking. As long as the roof isn't 20 years old and about to cave in. The carpet, I may have mentioned, has several dark stains upstairs (the carpet itself is dark as well, so I'm not really sweating it). However, Sam and I always attributed these stains to a dog. Turns out, the old woman who lived here died and she used to take care of children so the stains are likely from the children. !! The hell is that supposed to mean?! They are brown, noless--or possibly incredibly dark red?!!? The fuck was wrong with these children or what the fuck was being done to them? All over the upstairs, apparently!!

I'm a little disgusted.

But I'm still buying it.