Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I just want to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of Western society!

I hate when I could leave work early and it's nearly 5. The fuck's the point? Might as well wait til 6:30. As much as I LOVE to sit in traffic. (Though some days I hate work THAT MUCH that yes, I do leave early). But I forgot the ipod today and if I have to listen to ANYMORE of the Petraeus hearings (and thanks to snarky evening TV all I can hear now is Betrayus...) I may off myself.

Anyhoo. Not at home, so I can't post the next set of pics, but in other daily drama...

Dear Mouchette & Bourdain,

First of all, I just want to say thank you for resolving the weird shit between you two. I don't know why you lost it so bad when that asshole stray came around and then decided to take it out on each other for four days, but I'm glad you've moved on. I realize you guys never really worked out that whole alpha male thing, and I'm not sure if that's what you were trying to resolve here all of a sudden, but I'm glad you stopped. You are both, quite frankly, enormous pussies (in every sense of that word).

I'm glad we did not have to spend any money trying to work out your mysterious neuroses, and for that we are much appreciative. We noticed you went from day 1 (GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ROOM!! **I** AM IN THIS ROOM AND I WILL END YOU!!) to days 2 and 3 (some major bitchiness and lots of hissing/growling) to the 4th day of little to no acknowledgement of having had a problem in the first place. So we let you guys work it out; I can only assume you just got bored with your own snit. Way to take after your passive-aggressive mama.

Next time, please refrain from FREAKING OUT to such an extent. Four days was long enough, and I don't think your daddy quite saw as much of it as I, as we were discussing the stray and seemed to have slightly different feelings on it. I said something along the lines of, "If he comes back, I'm staking his ass up in the yard as a warning to others," to which D replied, "Damn, honey. I was just going to say I can't wait to squirt him with the new super soaker." I have a feeling we won't be able to catch him before your next big melt-down, so just keep this lesson in mind, will you?

Your Mama

PS Thanks for teaching me, by the way, that CONSTANT, CONTINUAL, UNINTERRUPTED GROWLING is a really annoying sound. I had no idea. I hope I don't hear it again anytime soon.


Triana said...

I love this letter!

Veloute said...

Ha hahahahaha!


Mob said...

You don't make the growling noise yourself while sitting in traffic?

I just always imagined you would...

Ellen Aim said...

Tri: If only I could just read it to them....

Vel: Hmph!

Mob: Nah, I just flat-out scream in traffic.