Friday, May 12, 2006

Thoughts on the Powers of Coffee

It's 10am and Crazy Train has already consumed five cups of coffee. I know because he was trying to force some of his tar-like drink onto another customer who politely replied, "No thanks, I've already had a cup." His response: "On my fifth one!" As if it were a race.

Therefore, it promises to be an interesting day, as the caffiene courses its way through his already-unstable person. He has already used the in-store intercom to conduct a conversation at an employee, rather than seeking out said employee. I should note that our store is very tiny and anyone who is not changing paper in the darkroom or emptying their bladder in the gas station-quality bathroom (I hear "Gas Station Washroom" from The Frantics every time I enter) can generally be found in 1.2 seconds. But he'll carry on over the intercom and wait for the person to appear and then keeptalking to them over the intercom, to the delight and embarrassment of the rest of us listening. This is not the first time he's done this.

My fellow lab worker has just pondered to me if she should go out there (to take over what are presumably chaotic orders getting ass-raped by the crazy train). I said screw it, it will be like a little game. He has parked himself on our side of the store (even though we're not supposedto have sides, said the teacher) today, so I'm not sure if he's trying to look useful or if the surge of caffiene in his system is forcing him to keep busy.

It is now 3:00pm with three hours left to go in the work day. I have even gone out and bought coffee for myself. Mother's Day is this weekend and we just don't have the sort of traffic one might expect. What better Mother's Day gift than pictures of your kids? Apparently not this year.

And I have to go to my friend's I-Got-To-Quit-My-Job Goodbye Party from CompUSA for happy hour, which would be even nicer if I had a job that allowed me Happy Hour working hours. Given the snail-like pace of this afternoon, it hardly seems an unreasonable request...Plus it's gorgeous outside. A little too warm, but still excellent margarita-in-the-afternoon weather. At least, that's always my thought when I'm forced outside during work to run errands (errands which don't allow for the margarita factor).

I have a fantasy on days like this that one day I will have an entire day off and I will get to sit outside and read and consume said margaritas. Though I know the reality of it is that even if I do get to achieve my fantasy, I'll go inside where it's nice and cool at 4pm after such a day, and pass out til 8 and have suitably wasted the day off I never get to have. Which really, is not such a bad day off.

It's ten til fucking five and my biggest struggle of the afternoon was debating on whether I should use the toilet here or at Happy Hour. Ours is downright menacing, but the Londoner's toilet is also terrifying in its own right, plus far more publicly used. In the end, you'll be delighted to know, I opted for our own. Oh what a difficult day today has been.

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