Thursday, May 11, 2006

Crazy Train Thoughts...Or Does He Have Any?

Crazy Train tried to explain to me last week why I should own a gun. Because I'm small and frequently alone at the lab. I failed to point out that I am never alone at the lab because I do not have the code or the key, which is precisely why HE had to be there, too, at such an early hour. Then again, Crazy Train conversations are not exactly "conversations" per se, but rather monologues in which you must nod or make sounds of interest. Inasmuch as this goes deeply against my beliefs, I also believe it to be the path of least pain and resistance.

During his story which involved gun laws, dates of said laws, gray areas, how he's had to carry a gun for 35 years but never use it (desperate attempts on my part not to wonder *where* he keeps it), he also somehow briefly segues into "The Original Lone Ranger," and tells me that in a moment I must remember to remind him to tell me about "The Original Lone Ranger." Yes, it is just as deranged and discombobulated as it sounds. All the while, imagine you are me and you are praying for the phone to ring. A customer cannot walk in because he will continue to talk and presume the customer will want to join in or perhaps just bask in the glow of knowledge.

One of the 4 Mostly Sane Employees will often come into the lab to say, "Hey, if anyone's interested, there's a class going on right now..." And then one of us will inquire as to whether or not it includes Coffee & The Tour (Crazy Train often takes people into the closet where he shoots images for what I assume are ebay auctions. It also houses the 8-hour-old coffee in a coffee pot no one has ever cleaned). Class is spontaneous--it's whenever he can tie down a random customer and then barf useless knowledge all over them. It is simply baffling--the number of people who get snowed by this. One customer told us CT was the smartest man he'd ever met.

And then we all cried and slit our wrists.

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