My Grandmother always used to say "why buy the cow, when you can get the sex for free."

So I was about to start writing a script not too long ago (with nothing special in mind, it was more of a writing exercise) and I realized it had been eons since I'd really perused a script and felt I should spend a little time looking at one to get back in the format.

So for the past couple days, I've been reading Kevin Smith's double feature of Clerks and Chasing Amy (I guess they just didn't feel like including Mallrats, don't ask me) in my down time at work.

(The best part of this is that if someone were to pause by my desk while I've got the book open to the side, they might very well read, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MAKING FUCK, BERSERKER??, especially with that nice easy-to-read layout scripts do have...)

I'm intrigued by the drastic ways in which my feelings on the Smith trilogy (which I guess it's not anymore) have changed over the years. I think there was a time I nearly got tired of Clerks and all the annoying fuckwits who nearly ruined it by trying to glom onto its "indie coolness" or whatever. But now that more time has passed, it is still near and dear to my heart, however shoddy the quality (part of its charm, says I) and the best of all Smith's stuff.

Mallrats has really grown on me. It could hardly be more juvenile and it clearly falls short of whatever Smith was going for. (Little too much slapstick, if you ask me).



At the end of the day though, I find it cute and charming, complete with great dialogue.

Chasing Amy surprises me most, as I used to really love that movie. I can barely watch it now.



It feels so forced and awkward, like when someone writes about themselves and turns it into bad "fiction" and you really wish they hadn't because now they've asked you to read it and you know it's about them so you can't knock it but it really does suck. It's like that. Still has some great lines and Jason Lee nearly makes the whole thing worth it. And I'm not even bitching about Ben Affleck here, how crazy is that! I honestly don't have a problem with him in this, it's like the only time.

But Clerks, despite having like, four people in it (and fifteen roles), a $5 budget and some really shitty acting (I'm looking at you, Veronica) still resonates with me by far the most. And reading that script, you know what I totally forgot? I totally forgot that in the original ending, Dante gets killed! Jesus, what a downer of an ending! After Randal leaves in the end, someone blows Dante away while he's closing, then a customer comes in moments later and tries to get served.

I am so glad that got nixed. Talk about ruining the movie!

I realize Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob may be part of the View Askewniverse, but I really just don't care. Clerks II was a blast, but it'd be goofy of me to reminisce on something that came out last year.