Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us!

Received this from my dad. Now if only I had something to smoke with it...


I finished painting the goddamn bathroom. Went to bed around 4am, but that bathroom is fucking done. Ripped out the caulk, replaced it (so white and purty!), cleaned the disgusting-shit floor and painted away the ugliest wallpaper that house ever saw. Tidied up the rest of the house some, ready to relaaaaaaaaaaax now.

Got the rat's nest (my hair) chopped off this morning. I go to the Toni & Guy Academy cause they do a nice job and it's cheaper than hell. Unfortunately, this was a morning where I got the newest newbie of the bunch, a blond thing named Ashley who owns a chihuahua named Chi Chi. Can't make this shit up. And she was a talker. And she was the Turtle From Hell of All Hair Stylists. I got out of there 2 1/2 hours later, after they took me half an hour late. Gotta love it. But my hair is gone and that's the important thing. I wonder if it would be traumatic if I were actually paying attention.

Got a wedding gift from our friends, Joe and Jean, which is just too cool. We are now the proud owners of William H. Macy's bloody death shirt from Air Force One. It's got the certificate of authenticity and the wardrobe dept even scrawled "Bill Macy" on the tag. It's so cool, you can even tell where he was "shot."

People seem to be having a very hard time grasping what exactly will take place at this here "wedding." Ok, let's see, everyone will be in the living room. There is a pumpkin isle so people aren't in the path. Tons of cushions on the floor, people can stand or sit their ass down for 12 minutes, the length of the ceremony. My little nieces are the flower girls, they come out and do their thang followed by three bridesmaids and me. 12 minutes later we're married and there is mass consumption of alcohol and boar and cake. How easy is this? I'm sure it will be fucked up in eighteen different ways, but I'll keep you posted.

Kinda want the pig, Lambic beer and buttercream cake now rather than after. Or Xanax, whichever comes first.

At least Emily and I are doing the standard chicks-get-a-facial Friday morning. Sweeeeeeet.