I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.

Nearly as soon as I posted the last post, I got a phone call from my MOH's Ex, who was at the airport and had gotten the message that MOH had lost her wallet on the train in Chicago. I started to go pick him up, but then another phone call came along: they were letting her fly anyway. Now don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to pieces they let her on the plane. But damn. Could my country be any more goddamn ridiculous? Take off your shoes, your belt, give me that toothpaste, take off your two year old's shoes (which my sister had to do), but hey, don't have an ID? Eh, we'll let it slide. That's Chicago for you, everyone, let's go.

That was the easy part. Then came the car rental establishment, who was far less eager to help anyone without proper ID. And she realized (AFTER she'd been given the go-ahead on the flight) that she did have a xerox copy of her passport on her (from travelling abroad numerous times). This doesn't mean dick to anyone but the US Consulate, by the way. Especially the savory folk at the DMV, where we had to go to try to get a temp issued. Do not attempt to get a temp unless you have THREE original documents clarifying who you are, which is more than a little tricky when you are travelling without your wallet. But it's good enough for the US Consulate. DMV, no fucking way.

On the hugely plus side, someone turned in her wallet, but turned it into her bank rather than the train station. The bank was far from helpful, refusing to let her pay to have it FedEx-ed overnight or to even FedEx JUST the driver's license. This involved me calling them back and getting it sent (I didn't even have to be rude, I just went on about how shit DFW was and they weren't going to be as open-minded as Chicago come airport time). However, the bank lady, I suppose, was a little suspicious having just spoken with Emily not long before. Long story short, we totally got busted and MOH got quite a little talking-to from the bank lady. But they're sending the wallet. Again, this is what irritates the fuck out of me. Why didn't she send it on the first phone call? How fucking hard must it be to travel without ID? Why not help your customer out? They had no problem with knowing it was her--that wasn't their issue; they just "couldn't be liable." But come the second phone call, they "make an exception." So it's not that you CAN'T help me, it's that you WON'T. I hate you all, you irritating morons from hell.

So this will be good to get her wallet as Kiwi Derek rented the car in the end and had to cart us around all day. I enjoyed most immensely not driving.

Veloute and Triana have been busy in the kitchen making blood-red cake. I have never seen so much butter and chocolate set aside for one purpose. I cannot wait to suck down massive amounts of buttercream.

And this morning, MOH and I are off to get our facials, divineness that it is. Better than yesterday's event of shooting off guns! I myself did not partake, as they tuned out to only rent shotguns, which I have no desire whatsoever to fuck with. Both MOH and Ex did a good job with it; MOH only shot off a few but scored each time (skeet shooting). Ex is quite the academic type and was naturally a little more awkward with it (but they should have seen ME with that thing...which is another reason I did not make a go at it); Kiwi D was quite the pro with it and did most of the shooting.

And then it was off to Denton where my mother had really gone out of her way to make plenty of food, all of which was incredibly tasty as always. Everyone loved it and everyone got to see everyone else and have a really good time. I got to see Fiona and Sophia mucking about briefly before they departed for the hotel, and I got to spend plenty of time with Joe and Jean, who are always so much fun to see. I even got some great wedding gifts opened, especially from my sister Alex who dropped a shocking jaw-dropping load at Lush (watch me not link, ask me if I care!). It is GORGEOUS. It is HUGE. I want to marry it as well tomorrow. I already tried Butterball, which smells a little like Christmas. The bubbles were OBSCENE in the Jet Black Jet Tub. OBSCENE, I tell you.

So let's see how today goes...hopefully the bubbles of Lush will continue to be the only thing obscene about my weekend...aside from me, that is.

My wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, all right? I'm sorry if my thoughts are not on the photography of the film we're shooting tomorrow.

Work is gone, which is lovely. Several days with absolutely no work. Weird.

Today my "maid of honor" (which doesn't really mean anything in the terms of my wedding, but you gotta at least vaguely play by the rules) hits town from Chicago, along with her ex-boyfriend. They've been on-again off-again for over eight years, so I can see his reasoning in just waiting it out. On the other hand, one of these times you'd think you would just give up. It's always this way, in that she initiates the off period. And she is currently with someone, a fellow she met in Japan who lives in San Francisco at the moment. Ex-boyfriend loathes Mr. San Fransisco, but was anyone expecting anything different? And I'm good friends with the ex, in case you're wondering what the hell he's doing here anyway. It may be awkward in the end several years from now if things keep up, but those things don't really concern me at the moment.

Kiwi Derek wants to shoot a gun while he's here (he also wants to hit a Wal-Mart, at which I initially flatly refused). I am feeling a little shame. These things are quintessential "American" things! The former is especially Texan, I guess. But while I am far from a gun person, I can see the merit in at least trying it. Having only shot one with blanks for a "movie" once, I'm up for it since I don't think that really counts. And Ex-B and my MOH are up for it as well, so the four of us are off this early afternoon to shoot things. I know Ex especially finds it highly amusing.

Before that, Veloute and fam should be making an appearance at the house. Little 2-year old Sophia had her birthday last week so she gets her present (totally precious dress I found on a whim next to the closed health food store I was trying to locate), plus a little Gund pink platypus I found for Fiona (its cuteness forced me to buy it, I was powerless, and its small size prevents if from falling into the official "stuffed animal" category) and a sound-activated marionette frog I hope they both can play with. Not sure if anyone's tall enough, but again, the frog was whispering things to me.

I'll be tidying up as the day progresses...I really want to move the sofa out to the sunroom because I keep seeing its massive girth eat up the living room and I wonder how the fuck are these people going to fit in my living room? I'm sure it will be fine. I think I'm going to stop caring about much here in a bit and just see what happens. But I won't move the sofa out just yet cause that's a wee bit silly. "Why is your sofa outside?' (Which the sunroom basically is).

And this evening the five of us (me, D, Kiwi Derek, MOH and Ex) plan on descending upon my parents' house to be fed and to see our friends Joe and Jean who are also flying in. Both sisters, including Vel's family should be there also, making it ten adults and two small children to be fed. I would shit myself. I think we're planning on doing the cleaning up; I don't know the last time so many people were in that house, certainly not also expecting to be fed. But that's the plan.

Well you know it and I know it and the horse knows it, but it would sound very peculiar in court.

Ah. Ok, recovering from pre-wedding 'sode, I'm better. Well, not really, just masking it for the moment. And since the people to whom the rant is mostly directed aren't related to me or even people I like (and therefore don't read my blog), I'm sure there will be more bouts of crazy yet to come.

Saw The Prestige last night. Decent. Oncer. Hard not to be entertained by Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale. Scarlett was barely in it, but she's been kind of annoying me lately, so it's all for the best.

Today is my last day of work and it cannot end too soon.

I have a banana Lambic beer waiting to be cracked open upon my arrival home. Also have to pick up a liqueur for the party and maybe some Bailey's cause I'm gross like that. And must hit the grocery store for three pounds of butter. Yes, three pounds. It's going to be a damn fine cake.

I'm a moron. I have three David Lynch things at home, and who the fuck did I think I was kidding that I was going to be in the mood at this stage in the game? I need utter shit to watch instead. (I have Short Films, The Elephant Man and You Don't Know Jack).

My stash of MST3K may make an appearance tonight.

If you fuck with me, in any way, I will rip each and every appendage from your body, starting with your dick. Capice?

And just for the record, the fucking phrase of the fucking year, my favorite for all fucking time, is any variation on, "No one told me." Even "I didn't know," or "I don't know what's going on," will win at this point. I will either fucking destroy the next person to utter this phrase (or any variation on it), simply burst into goddamn tears, or do both at the same time, just for the goddamn record.

TAKE SOME FUCKING INITIATIVE, ASK QUESTIONS, USE YOUR BRAIN, PLEASE SWEET CUNTING JESUS JUST GO WITH THE FLOW OR MAKE SHIT UP. JUST. DON'T. BITCH.

Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us!

Received this from my dad. Now if only I had something to smoke with it...


I finished painting the goddamn bathroom. Went to bed around 4am, but that bathroom is fucking done. Ripped out the caulk, replaced it (so white and purty!), cleaned the disgusting-shit floor and painted away the ugliest wallpaper that house ever saw. Tidied up the rest of the house some, ready to relaaaaaaaaaaax now.

Got the rat's nest (my hair) chopped off this morning. I go to the Toni & Guy Academy cause they do a nice job and it's cheaper than hell. Unfortunately, this was a morning where I got the newest newbie of the bunch, a blond thing named Ashley who owns a chihuahua named Chi Chi. Can't make this shit up. And she was a talker. And she was the Turtle From Hell of All Hair Stylists. I got out of there 2 1/2 hours later, after they took me half an hour late. Gotta love it. But my hair is gone and that's the important thing. I wonder if it would be traumatic if I were actually paying attention.

Got a wedding gift from our friends, Joe and Jean, which is just too cool. We are now the proud owners of William H. Macy's bloody death shirt from Air Force One. It's got the certificate of authenticity and the wardrobe dept even scrawled "Bill Macy" on the tag. It's so cool, you can even tell where he was "shot."

People seem to be having a very hard time grasping what exactly will take place at this here "wedding." Ok, let's see, everyone will be in the living room. There is a pumpkin isle so people aren't in the path. Tons of cushions on the floor, people can stand or sit their ass down for 12 minutes, the length of the ceremony. My little nieces are the flower girls, they come out and do their thang followed by three bridesmaids and me. 12 minutes later we're married and there is mass consumption of alcohol and boar and cake. How easy is this? I'm sure it will be fucked up in eighteen different ways, but I'll keep you posted.

Kinda want the pig, Lambic beer and buttercream cake now rather than after. Or Xanax, whichever comes first.

At least Emily and I are doing the standard chicks-get-a-facial Friday morning. Sweeeeeeet.

WAKE UP! WAKE UP, LIMEY FIIIIIIIIIIISH!

Jesus people suck. The personnel manager is out of town so one of our two salesmen (pedophile Ed) decides he can't come in today. That leaves Cinema Mark doing all the sales shit, my co-lab partner doing all the shipping and receiving for the personnel manager (which she is brand-new at, since he gave her an afternoon of training, kind of) and me doing all the lab shit. People are going to die, I can smell it.

On a good side, I picked up Kiwi Derek Saturday night, though his train was three christing hours late, thank you Amtrak. I got a good bit of Susan Orelans' Orchid Thief knocked out. Good shit.

We went home and I cooked up my apple/nutmeg acorn squash thing and the magic macaroni recipe of my mother's, it was damn good. I think we hit the grocery store...ah yes, had to get wine...not a whole lot done that evening but he had been on a train for thirty-one hours. I think he was happy to crash.

Sunday we drove out to Central Market and as Krispy Kreme was right next door, he got to check that off his "American things to do" list. I think he found them vaguely appalling, which they are. But we still ate them.

Then we met up with Cinema Mark so he could take some bridal shots for me. I wish I didn't always look like a malformed creature in pictures. The pictures came out great (so convenient to work here sometimes), but my face! Jesus. Some people just don't photograph well. And I was with two less-than-sensitive-to-the-important-things kinda guys, neither of whom said one word about how I looked nor did they really manage to clue me in that the wig was a little high. I'm chopping off all my hair tomorrow, though, so that should help for this weekend. Tired of having it. So hopefully I don't look scary or freakish, as no one really said anything.

Back home and made tex-mex chili which used both dark beer and chocolate, we all enjoyed it. Got the recipe out of Fine Cooking, they are nearly always quite reliable.

Well look at that, it's the next day now. Should really just publish and move along...

It smells a hell of a lot better than the Porsche.

Ohmygodworkisblowingasstoday.

*BREATHES*

At least it's just the chemistry and not asshole customers. But I do feel the edge coming steadily closer.

Before I forget, do NOT get into a car accident here in Dallas! Now this certainly did not include me, I was a mere witness. Tuesday morning it downpours and I'm behind an eighteen wheeler when the highway splits and is poorly marked (the lines haven't been finished paint-wise). The truck realizes he's veering off the wrong way and jerks back toward the right, which freaks out a van, who was either merging or in the lane to begin with, I'm not really sure. So because it has been pouring all morning, the van spins out of control and off the road into a not-so-bad ditch. The eighteen wheeler comes to a stop in the middle of the highway split, causing all of us to stop behind him. As I was first in line, I figured I had to pull over as well. Very luckily, there was a cop already back there with the van. The two male drivers (the cop was female) start yelling at each other and I tell the cop (way off separately) what happened. She thanked me and said that Dallas PD would call me later since she wasn't actually working the scene. I said ok and trotted off to work. Here it is Friday and I have yet to receive a call. Wtf? As far as I can guess, someone shot someone else and it doesn't matter anymore...or they are just that backlogged and won't call me for ages still? What a great way to get an accurate account of what happened. Go, Dallas!

Anyhoo. Last night we got more crap for the house...hit Target for a DSL filter for the TiVO (my wedding present from D! And just in time before House, M.D. starts up again!!), cranberry juice for some goddamn cosmos (can you tell I need them??), stupid candles...then off to the mall to hit Spencers for a spotlight for the mirrorballs (and damn was that all complicated...the motors I don't think would work with my mirrorballs, and we'll see how the motorized spotlight works...this is for the sunroom, also known as the "pimp room.") and then got distracted by a Fredericks of Hollywood. How cool is my mall?? And how cool is Fredericks for having CORSETS!!! in MY SIZE?? I didn't think they bothered outside of fucking special mail order...but then I had to take it back because it didn't work under the wedding dress and also made me look like a deranged Deanna Troi. But still.

By the time we got home it was time for real food and then bedtime.

I am having a Skittle lunch, having been unable to even go outside the building today. That kind of day.

I certainly didn't realize Polly had such a big pecker.

Fun morning of changing out stupid contaminated developer. This from Veloute helped immensely...

The saxophone is more...sonorous.

Whew. Thank fuck. I thought for sure I was going to be annoying Neil...

Which Dead Poets Society Character Are You?

You are CHARLIE DALTON. A rebellious troublemaker, all you really want is for your friends to reach their highest potential. However, don't be afraid to step back for a moment and let them see that softer side!
Take this quiz!

Shit, Tweetie, couldn't you have waited for a school day?

WaHOOO! Bless the little car place over on Marsh & Belt Line. They aren't charging me a damn thing for fixing my car. The strut mount was loose and maybe they felt bad for not catching it last time, or just can't bring themselves to charge me for tightening a goddamn screw, I'm not going to ask. No more awful noise! Now I think it still vibrates over 75, maybe not, but it's probably best not to be going over 75 in the first place. Let's hope they were related. Not that anything ever is.

I swear I really will blog more after this month. I hope.

I did finally get off my ass and review David Lynch's Dumbland for Big Suck Loser. It is a tiny review. But it was a tiny film. Project, more like. It was...interesting.

And we have a marriage license! Woo hoo! $41 later. Seriously. Forty-ONE dollars. Just because. Like $0.39 stamps. Why not.

And we are also booked at the Austin Motel, which I've always been curious to stay at. Nice and close to downtown, which was the point also. And my favorite Mexican place is smack next door. Very excited for Alamo, Amy's, East Side Cafe, Elephant Room, Speakeasy, Hudson on the Bend...and any number of wineries and microbreweries. The countdown days are in the single digits now...

I'm picking up Kiwi Derek Saturday afternoon, doing "bridal shots" sometime this weekend...we're aiming for a woodsy area...and I gotta start thinking about food and ingredients. I wish I could pick all that crap up now without it (cheese, strawberries, etc) going bad. Stupid fruit.

Well, on a completely different note, if you're ever in the DFW area looking for a car, let me assure you how much Jim McNatt sucks. My mom is trying to buy a little red Toyota Yaris and they made her wait 8 weeks instead of 3, then put the wrong package on it and tried to charge her $1100 more than what was agreed upon. Some salesman named Ryan is a real shiteater. So we're still looking for a little red Yaris, hopefully this evening. I may have found one, but you try getting a salesman on the phone to tell you how much it is and what the car itself entails. I dare you. Nope, gotta go all the way out there to find out it's not what we want. But then again, it has been a good day so far...

Christian had a thing for Tony Curtis so he brought over Some Like it Hot and Sporadicus.

SQUEEEE!!! I bet Mob can guess what I'm drinking out of right now!! DAMN. These are the sexiest glasses that ever were. They DO make the wine taste better! And if I had cranberry juice I'd be cosmo-ing it up right now out of my Riedel crystal. I'm afraid I just don't have the balls to down martinis (vodka OR gin) when I'm expected at work anytime before noon the next day. But thank you so very much to you and the wife K for the sweet and thoughtful gifts. Indeed, I was of course reminded of one of the first conversations amongst our little group, over dinner, about the divine Williams Sonoma glasses. At the pre-show-drink-fest, you can measure the stress on me by whether I'm serious enough to have the martini glass in hand. Hopefully I'll be sipping on something far more mellow.

And I need something stronger tonight. I can't find the fabric anywhere in town with which we started the sunroom's curtains (I know, how DOES the world turn?), so I'll have to order it but it's off sale now so I have to order it Friday. The little bit that IS up is quite sexy, I'll have you know.

On a much more down note, my closest friend (and fucking balls, my gay male bridesmaid!!), is unable to attend the wedding. He is at NYU getting his Masters and teaching. He helped build a particular 8-hour seminar and when he was hired said that any weekend was fine EXCEPT the last in October. It was scheduled for the first weekend in November. Well, they changed it and he just found out yesterday. He fought and fought but they cannot tell 90 students who have already paid for this seminar that it's changed. Drew can really put on a good bitch (he is a New Yorker, after all) when he wants to, so if these bitches didn't budge then damn they must be scary. So if he attends the wedding, he's out. Obviously, he has to do the seminar. Now of course I don't mind the slightest--it is completely out of his hands. And, he already bought his DFW ticket, so he'll come up another weekend before February and I will get to spend that much more time with him. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand...his wedding gift to us? He's buying us tickets to The Vertical Hour. HOLY SHIT. So NYC here we come. Honeymoon Pt II is really going to happen, wheeee!

But I am quite sad he won't be there in person to help keep me sane.

And I am totally mourning the loss of The Nate and Di Show.

Pass the bottle.

I'm gonna make Gretzky's head bleed for super fan 99 over here.

Ok, that just totally made my week. I got to help out one of the technical researchers for CSI: Vegas. And since we only watch Vegas, that's pretty damn cool. Apparently my episode will air in December. If anyone hasn't ever seen an episode, anytime something new and "technical" pops up, they do this whole series of shots of the inner workings of whatever it is (not unlike how House, M.D. does with patients and their guts). So he needed to know how all my machines work and what they look like inside. Apparently it revolves around a disposable camera. My first thought was the disposable cameras CPD always bring me to sign out as evidence when they arrest suspected pedophiles...

But damn that guy has a cool job. My top ten choices of dream jobs on that "tag" thing would have to include his job. Granted, most of it is useless info, but you'd learn new crap every week. How things work, what shit looks like, etc. It just couldn't get old. Plus everyone has heard of their show by now, so getting people to help you out must border on asking them not to slobber on you. "So, if I had an idea for an episode, could I, like, send it to you?" *facepalm*

In other news, THE CEILING IN THE SUNROOM IS UP!!! It doesn't match, it has a couple screws that got stripped that aren't completely totally in all the way, but piss off. IT'S UP. And no more leaks!! Now for sexy curtains...coming this weekend!

The weather outside is so gorgeous. 70s...sunny...inasmuch as I adore dreary weather, a couple days like this one are ok by me.

And tonight brings us Thrillvania. I think it's a bit more an "attraction" than it used to be. The main reason to go is Verdun Manor, a haunted house where I helped shoot a film six years ago (during spring break, it was freezing and deserted and the owner had three pet lions). However, the owner has since died and I think now Verdun Manor is part of Thrillvania. Kinda dirty and commercial if you ask me, but I haven't been yet so I can't say. But we shall see.......

I celebrate the man's entire catalogue.

Wow! D cleaned the entire apartment all of yesterday, by himself; he painted the living room and kitchen back to their crappy white (the paint the apt gave us was basically water with some white stuff in it, so we mostly used old Kilz from here at the lab--I have no idea why it was here to begin with). We just have the stuff in the fridge basically, but other than that...just gotta do the walkthrough next Tuesday, leave a dead pigeon wrapped in pork in the vent and we're done! Ok, maybe not that middle thing. But I called the dumb bitch in the office this morning to see if we needed an appt for the walk-through...

DB: "Yes, you'll need to make an appointment."
(pause).
EA: "So...I guess the earliest slot in the morning? Or even 10 or 11?" (I thought to give D a little time to double check the place).
DB: (in that wrap-up tone): "Yes, great, that will be fine."
(pause).
EA: "Would you need my apartment number?"
DB: "Yeaahhh...."

I mean, wtf? And I got that total oh-I-am-so-not-even-writing-this-down vibe from her as I gave her the info. It's just one of many places designed to screw you as hard as they possibly can. I bet you don't need an appt, but they say you do if you try to show up on the day of your move-out saying you need to do a walk-through.

The Kiwi D is currently in NYC but not liking it so much. He thinks it's stupid that he's forced to take off his belt at museums. I mean, he's right, but you have to appreciate where you are. I sort of imagine all the public buildings in NYC to be like small airports. And if you can't take your toothpaste on the flight, you sure as shit can't look at art with a belt on. Right?

So I've been harboring the idea of renting a convertible for a day while Emily is here, sort of my hen party to myself. And then I found this website and this treasure trove of sweet-ass convertibles. And what-have-yous. *Drools*. And really, I'm not a car person. But I can still appreciate how sweeeeeeeeeeet these babies would be. I'll take the Aston Martin or the obvious Ferrari. Ok, seriously, I am toying with the idea of the cheaper BWM convetible...that one is fairly feasible...even though I would so prefer the Mercedes...ok, back to reality! Here I am!

Oh, and the wedding drama turned out to be no drama at all. Apparently they bought their tickets a billion years ago and the mother had said she would switch it for them. I guess she did and the airline screwed it up? So it just involved a very long day of her being on the phone with the airline yelling at them. I feel her pain but am very glad this is a non-issue. And I don't think she really gave us all the info to begin with. Just an alarming spurt of craziness interjected into the day, why not.

And, having been tagged by Mob, here are my replies. Once a year, these are kinda fun, even if I am dull as shit.

Here we go:

1) Would you bungee jump?

Not in a million fucking years. No. desire. at. all.

2) If you could do anything in the world for a living what would it be?

Make trailers for new movies; only I get final say on all editing and can use any music I want.

3) Your favorite fictional animal?

Archie the cockroach from Archie and Mehitabel.

4) One person who never fails to make you laugh?

both Alex and Veloute

5) When you were 12 years old what did you want to be when you grew up?

A vet. Til I saw my cat get neutered.

6) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Math, to see how late I can get up and not be more than a little late.

7) Have you ever gone to therapy?

If by "gone to therapy," you mean "drank red wine in the spa," then yes, all the time.

8) If you could have one super power what would it be?

Teleporting. Save me lots of money on airfare and time off work.

9) Your favorite cartoon character?

Pink Panther. No talking Pink Panthers, either. The one with the cigarette holder and everything.

10) Do you go to church?

Been twice for a funeral and once for my grandfather's ordination. I was little. And bored. I think my mom gave me M&Ms to shut me up.

11) What is your best childhood memory?

Christmases were always good. Good dinners, lots of chocolate and tea strewn about the place the next morning.

12) Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?

No, but I think lots of people do it for the wrong reasons.

13) Do you own a gun?

Two water guns, one for each cat.

14) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?

I slapped a guy once, but he asked me to. And not hard.

15) Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?

Yes, but what happens in Thailand stays in Thailand.

16) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

The length from the base of the their palm to the tip of their middle finger. No, seriously, I guess hair.

17) What is your biggest mistake?

Well lately, I'd say screwdriver #8 at the bachelor party...

18) Say something totally random about yourself.

I secretly think Sandra Bullock is really cute. Too bad she can't be in anything decent I could ever admit to watching.

19) Has anyone ever said that you looked like a celebrity?

I used to get Tori Amos a lot, but not so much anymore. I guess I started looking too haggard.

20) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?

Last xmas D got me a kitten and even let me name him after my favorite chef/writer Anthony Bourdain. "Bourdain" is a good yelling name, as it turns out.

21) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?

Sometimes.

And I hereby tag Vel and Triana because they are the only friends I have with blogs whom Mob didn't already tag!

There's something sexy about Scrooge McDuck.

Ah, excellent. Drama. Before getting into the bad drama, I should note the subject line. My friend J who has trouble getting out of bed these days (just calling him J on the pretext of anonymity; you will all easily spot this poor guy at my wedding, I'm sure, and go, "Ohhh, so you're J!" and make him totally paranoid), had to attend our former boss's wedding this past Saturday. Former boss is Stupid Shawn. I hate Stupid Shawn. And his stupid wife. Two people who should have never married anyone getting married to each other is perfect. But anyhoo, let's move away from the rant in which I want to kick Shawn's face in each and every day he told me he'd "put in the paperwork" for my raise; only after he left and I asked the sane manager about it was it revealed that there wasn't even a speck of hint of a suggestion of a raise anywhere in my file. That goddamn cocksucker.

Anyhoo. Not my story.

J met a lovely girl at this wedding and they danced and it really lifted his spirits. Of course she lives in Austin. But while they were getting to know each other, the subject of music arose. Now J is a huge, huge Leonard Cohen fan. Upon hearing this, the ladyfriend cooed, "Ohhh, Leonard Cohen is so seeexy." And of course we both instantly thought of The Last Days of Disco, in which Kate Beckinsale's character tells Chloe Sevigny that she should throw the word "sexy" into the conversation as much as possible because it will make guys think of sex. So Chloe Sevigny, while trying to seduce Robert Sean Leonard, somehow manages to say, "There's something sexy about Scrooge McDuck." And damn if it doesn't make me laugh every single time.

But other than that line, apparently this girl is very cool. Although I find myself a little suspicious--she loooooooooves Leonard Cohen but had never heard of Nick Cave. How does one manage that?

Anyway. The bad drama (on a waaaay completely different note) is that D's favorite uncle, the cowboy from Wyoming, booked his flight for the 28th. Now that would be our wedding day, so you see the dilemma. And all my friends have already purchased their flights, returning on Sunday. I'm waiting to hear what time the flight is, as we could conceivably push the time. But really, how does this happen? We changed the date over a month ago. I'm fairly sure I mentioned it to future-mother-in-law. My entire side of the family knows of the change, including the uncle we didn't really invite but is somehow possibly coming anyway. And yet I'm fairly sure I'll get lumped into the blame. But I really don't see that it's my responsibility to make sure that his extended family knows the details; wouldn't that fall (at present, anyway) to him? Plus my mentioning it to future-mother-in-law should have, you know, been the Plan B to prevent that kinda crap. Whatever. I just wish it wasn't D's favorite uncle; he's very guilt-ridden and upset. But at the same time, I don't imagine he'll be changing the aloof approach he has maintained throughout the whole planning of the wedding. Again, whatever.

Ok, back to pretending to work...

That's how much fuck fish.

Squeeeeeeeeee!! So excited!! Kiwi Derek moved his arrival date up to the 21 (sat, and since my happy ass will be at the Angelika no longer, I can even pick him up)! He's arriving at the Amtrak station and how fucking funny is it that I had NO IDEA we even HAD a goddamn Amtrak station. I must think of places to take him (oh, fuck, I forgot I live in Dallas, good luck with that...ok, so we'll be drinking...just kidding, I'm sure we can entertain ourselves at least some). Any ideas what I should cook for Kiwi D?? What's something yummy that would be hard to find in New Zealand??

And Emily is flying in from Chicago Thursday the 26th, very excited to see my "maid of honor," or whatever the hell. (It's not a traditional wedding, I should remind you if you're confused). And damn did she get a good price! For a little over $150, I think I should go hang out in Chicago for a while!

And Canadian Nell should be hitting Austin mid-October...the 16th, I think? I think she is still sorting out a place to stay. I know she wants to do Austin a little long-term, maybe a month or two? I know there were roommate-type set-ups floating around Austin but I don't know about many of them. I'm not sure which direction to point her in. She's quite a resourceful girl and definitely a traveller rather than a tourist--she's braved stuff I couldn't!--but I don't want to point her in a sketchy direction! We have a couple friends down there but D keeps forgetting to call. Plus they may not be very helpful for all I know...

Anyhoo. Just weird that these people are all coming down here for me! I hope I get to spend enough time with everyone!

This is my art, and it is dangerous! Do you think I want to die like this?!

Ok, something is weird out there. I positively flew to work this morning. There's more traffic at 3am on the way back from the Angelika than there was this morning. It was like Christmas morning on the road or maybe a half-step away from the opening of 28 Days Later. Ok, maybe not that bad. Seriously, I am aware that Oct 9 is Columbus Day, but wtf? Does Columbus day merit a 4-day weekend for everyone but me? I'm also a little worried about what that means here at work. Either we'll be intolerably slow (which is a little bad since I cranked out nearly everything yesterday...though I should mention I managed to smuggle in my own stuff to work on, shhh...ok, no one here cares) or hella busy and Mark is out of town and I will want to hurt people. I guess I usually want to hurt people anyway (the kind who come in here, at least), but his abscence merely exacerbates the problem.

Anyhoo. The other night we got to hit our local Spirit Halloween Store, which Mob knows D was dying to find, and brought home a wispy-shroud-clad skeleton creature we seem to keep calling "Tom." He lives in front of our house along with some bloody gooey hands on the glass. It's getting there. I'm eager for my lamp to come back from repair so I can light him, complete with a little thunder and flicker and fog. I do kinda wonder what Fiona and Sophia will make of the whole eerie entryway...oh well, they can come through the garage! That way's child-friendly.

Also nearly polished off the whole of the new Cinemaslave episode #63 this morning. Joe does seem to be having an impressively bad week. As one car-strut-impaired friend to another, I feel at least some of your pain! The whole insurance debacle seems to put even the car problems in a lesser light, though. That's hard to do! But it was a great episode (and great to get a mention, I've even been hankering for some MiSTie this week, as a matter of fact. Have Santa Claus Conquers the Martians on the brain, don't ask...)!

I did not paint the dork room again last night...instead I had to take one of my prints back to christing Hobby Lobby, where the dickheads had somehow managed to trap moisture between the print and the glass, ruining the print. I took it back to a different location, where we were helped by perhaps the scariest woman in customer service of all time. We stood there while she yelled at another customer who was saying one of the prints she was picking up wasn't hers (and the customer was by no means hostile or unhappy, merely explaining she wouldn't be taking it). "Oh yes it is, ma'am, but that's fine, if you don't want it you don't have to claim it. I'll sell it, that's fine!" With tone and volume like these words simply cannot convey. I just stood there, like you do when a co-worker gets reamed in front of you and all you can do is stand there. But on the flip side, she did seem to know what she was doing. AND she's going to replace the print herself and have the store reimburse her. I decided I'll take scary bitches who know what they're doing anyday over incompetent fuckwits. Still, any time longer than five minutes in Hobby Lobby makes me want to take a bath.

Then it was over to my friend's house while he was at work to leave him roses and a book by his porch. He's been so depressed lately he has trouble getting out of bed (yes, he is planning on a trip to the doctor). And since his woes are mostly female-centric, laced with the fact that he's not too big on being on his own (especially in his new house), the book was Jean-Paul Satre's No Exit, to remind him that "Hell is other people." But the roses are for cheer, so hopefully that's not one massive mixed signal. I mean, I guess Satre doesn't really go with roses (live ones, anyway), but he loves philosophy and has never read it (if memory serves), so there you go. They were really cool roses, too, yellow with red edges. And in case he missed the display on his drive into the garage in the early AM, we bought the tackiest fucking candy corn (with a goddamn smiling face on it) helium balloon and tied it to it.

So that was our evening. The remainder of it was brought to us by Domino's and Desperate Housewives. No actual work was spotted.

Ok, everyone, the day is crawling by. If the owner weren't so heavily medicated and sloth-like, I might seriously be afraid of a very Little Shop of Horrors moment in which he would become Mr. Mushnik, throw up his arms and yell, "Ok, that's it! Go home, don't bother coming in tomorrow, we're closing the shop for good!" And then I'd have to figure out if I were the Audrey or Seymour of that scenario (Seymour's got better songs, after all), and frankly that's way too much effort for the way the day's going.

And now I have "Welcome to the Jungle," in my head. For. No. Reason. At. All.

If you want to bless me, you'll have to bless my bottom.

Woo hoo! I got me some kegs reserved for Friday night before the wedding! I felt like a dork at first--do you really reserve kegs? But it IS Halloween weekend...apparently, the answer is yes. The dude at Mr. G's did not laugh at me. So I have two slimline kegs so that one of them can be Oktoberfest. And since they're both Sam Adams, the other is Boston Lager. May I again advocate hotels in Fort Worth? Or really, the numerous pillows, blankets, sleeping bags we seem to own.

Hans' illness remains unknown. I have been told to keep driving him. He's going to need new struts in the somewhat near future, which explains one sound maybe. At least I've been warned to get the lube (mine, not Hans') ready. Hmph. He said to give him another day with it next week and he'll keep trying. At least he didn't charge me anything...

We bought the sexiest quiver off ebay for D's costume, though it's coming from the UK so I've really got my fingers crossed. His outfit is 99% complete. I think it's funny that his outfit was so much more expensive than mine. (Though since my mother made mine, it's obviously better). I can't wait to get the jewelry set Drew's mother made for me. I hope it all works out together. Then I just have to drag Mark out to Arlington for pictures...

And I have to finish painting the dork room and the bathrooms, hopefully tonight. Starting tonight, not planning on finishing anything tonight. Not that (deluded) ambitious.

Plus I got distracted last night by Heroes and Studio 60. The former feels a bit like a Lost-type cocktease, but less so. Still watchable, eh. The latter was much better than last week's mediocre embarrassment. As always, has some good lines but it also feels like it's slowly getting its footing.

In far more exciting movie news, my dad sent me a very cool article on David Lynch, whose new movie Inland Empire should slowly trickle out to theatres in the near future. Sounds quite odd (but what a shock, I know). I've been meaning to re-visit some of his stuff, so now might be a good time. I want to re-watch Mulholland Drive and some of his early short films. Netflix seems to have all that old stuff in a collection, which is very convenient...

Also very excited that I may be in line for an eyeball cake, courtesy of the talents of Triana, at the wedding. Now that will be tasty. I'm just eager in general to start cooking pies and autumn things for the wedding. I need to make some shells for pies ahead of time. But need to finish painting first, grrr....ooh, and Alex also sent me some cannibal feasty looking ideas...not sure if I can pull any of them off but I can try! Yum. And appetizing...

If you're gonna spew, spew into this.

Poor little Hans is back in the shop. I discovered while driving to the Angelika that high speeds make the gas pedal shake. Pretty sure it's not supposed to do that. He said it sounded like a tire balance issue. At least the kitten was there at the shop this time. If they are going to pound me in the ass, at least there is a really soft kitten for me to cuddle while they're doing it.

This weekend was lots of fun (after I got home from the Angelika, that is). Met up with Mob & K and Morris for dinner at Humperdinks, followed by an evening at The Lodge. And you know, as far as uh, gentlemen's clubs go...this one was really decent. The animal heads adorning the walls was a bit odd, but even I hardly noticed the decor. Mob & K were more than nice in treating us both to dinner andThe Lodge experience. D also got his first-ever lap dance thanks to Mob, which I even got a small taste of myself (she had the most impressive bum, if I do say so myself). It was a great break from all the stress of the past few months.

Even if I was nearly worthless the next day. We seem to have something called Monsters HD, and they showed Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street back to back, both of which I viewed after HBO HD treated me to In Good Company, easily one of my favorite films to come out of the past few years.

Ok, it's the next day now, should probably start a fresh blog.