Well if you think that's offensive, check this out!

So if you're ever at a bar for the night by yourself and you snag a hot seat, how do you go to the bar for more drinks and/or hit the loo without losing your seat? That always bothered me.

Like right now, not worried about losing the seat, but I'm alone at the Saucer and normally I would never leave my drink unattended (one very bad lesson is way more than enough, even though I don't think I left my drink unattended on that occasion, but anyhoo) though I think 2pm in Addison (actually wait...Addison is probably Rufie central, come to think of it)...ok, 2pm is probably an ok time of day. Am I brave enough to leave my bag (taking my wallet) and laptop to run to the potty? 'Cause I really need to use it, you know?

These issues plagued me as a single girl, and now even as a married girl who frequently goes out and about by myself, they still do. Oh well.

I can only have faith in paranoia. As Dante once said in Clerks, "People see money on the counter and no one around? They think they're bein' watched."

Hooray! The computer's still here.

Very productive day. Had my first voice lesson, which was great. I'm so thrilled to be doing it again, as it means having a fun, distracting hobby far removed from work that makes me feel as if I have a tiny bit more of a life. Plus it keeps me from sleeping in too late on Saturdays.

Then I drove to downtown Dallas to drop off my free-standing antique fan that hasn't worked properly since someone (not a cat, actually!) knocked it over...the blades just need straightening. But today provided a little glimpse into a very strange world...the fan shop is a positive fan shrine, for one thing. Secondly, there were people there before and after me. The guys before me were great. While picking up a 60s-era box fan, I listened to them shoot the shit about fans:

The Customer: "So...those brass Westinghouses over there...where could you maybe pick up one?"

The Owner: "Not sure...[insert lots of detail about how it obtained that brass color]. But that one there is maybe 1910? 1915?"

TC: "That would have been my guess."



And here it is! But wtf? I mean, sure, the fan is wicked cute and all, but talk about a fucking niche. It was weird. And I took him out to my car for the fan, since I'll be damned if I'm lifting that thing more than necessary. Even my saying, "It's not that big, but it's quite heavy," had him speculating as to what it could be. "Ah, an Emerson!" was the final call.

Whatever you say, friend. Just please fix it well.

Then I hit Addison to have my car detailed so Hans knows he's loved (they shampooed the carpets and got stains up I had no idea could ever be removed...and no, they weren't even anything interesting. Pervert.) Holy BALLS was everyone and their dog getting their car washed yesterday. And I got his oil changed because I should have done that about, oh, two months ago...

I was supposed to go out for a friend's birthday party last night but because I'm a borderline recluse I opted out and made incredibly disgusting (read: heavenly) cheese fries and watched Jack Bauer try to save the world again. So I spent less money and didn't have to pretend I like people! Score!

We finally have the penis working. I don't want to scare it.

Oh my gosh. Did that suck.

Luckily, we saw it with my friend J rather than the socially inept projectionist. It was open season comment-wise. It was such an affront to fans everywhere. They fucked up the characters, the dialogue was horrendous (not that it was ever brilliant to begin with, but they can pull off some great lines), the ENTIRE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE was a clusterfuck of filler--what the bloody fuck was the point of Jennifer Hudson's character except as a prime example of shameless catering to a younger crowd?

And Carrie repeatedly slept with pearls on. 'nuff said.

I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.

The countdown begins. Sex & the City is sold out all around the metroplex tomorrow--you cannot see it any time, any place.



But I've got a 12:30am screening happening at the SMG by my house, hell yes. I invited my two girlfriends and we'll be joining the socially retarded projectionist from hell who hates watching movies with people. It's a long story, but anyhoo, imagine three women watching this movie and trying to be (after a few cosmos, no less) as composed and quiet as possible.

It's not going to be pretty. I think Sara and I may be the most composed, whereas I see Vickie being the loud one. D tells me, however, that if I were alone I would be an angel, but if I'm going to be there with two other women that I'll probably be the loudest. At least he knows me.

So I stopped at Central Market and hit the bakery for a pre-emptive strike against the antagonism we shall surely cause this poor man.

It's lite beer, and she's gonna throw it up anyway.

Wow. Today is FAH-KING slow. I was supposed to see a 1:30am screening of Sex & the City last night, but the prints are being held over another day, which sucks. Even worse, I woke up AT 1:30am for no reason and decided around 3am to just go watch some Daily Shows and Colberts til I could fall asleep, which finally did happen around 4.



Poor Mouche did something to his ear somehow and won't let it heal, which means he has to wear an E-collar again and you can imagine how much he loves that. He also wakes us up at odd hours to scratch his face for him, which is actually kinda cute.

So my lack of sleep isn't doing a whole lot for my mood...

But I did find a voice teacher and I'm going to try him out this Saturday. He's fucking expensive but he sounds like he'd be a really great teacher...so we'll see. Nine AM makes sure I don't stay out too late the night before...or not, since tomorrow after work we're celebrating someone's birthday with some Japanese food and a little Sex & the City at 10:45pm. And it's in Addison. And that movie clocks in at around 148 minutes. So what, home around 2:30am? Whatever.

I really want to bring my little point-and-shoot for the occasion, but I don't think I can. Not to make a bad line out of it, but I think I left my battery in San Francisco. (It's small but probably a big hassle to replace).

And on top of that, I went back to look at my first blog entries and wow, this blog used to be a lot more inspired. Oh well.

You were a tomato. A tomato doesn't have logic. A tomato can't move.

Whoops. Could have sworn I had already posted this but apparently not...I wrote it in San Francisco on May 16th but just never got around to hitting 'publish'...

I woke up around 5:45am (those 2 hours do tend to fuck with your brain, apparently) and messed around, had breakfast at the hotel restaurant (omg, what a rip off, $3 for hot tea?? and LIPTON at that??) but had merely a bagel (to totally make my point).

Took the cable car on California all the way down to the pier, not terribly far. I was scared shitless for the first few minutes on that cable car. I mean, if you dropped anything you could kiss it goodbye, but it's not like it moves terribly fast. I was sitting on the outside seats for the view.



(Like so.)



LOOK at that! That's not a HILL, that's a fucking DROP-OFF.



Got to the end of the line and found the Ferry Building. This places houses Miette, a bakery featured in Fine Cooking where I bought Emily and Gene's engagement cake. I stopped by for two cupcakes and prayed all day they would survive the heat. There was also an AMAZING cheese shop (Cowgirl Creamery) I wanted to marry, but better judgment prevailed and I made no purchases (gross heat + cheese = baaaaaaad). However, there was a little wine bar where they had some samples from the cheese and bread store, so that was what I did. I wrote my postcards and nibbled on some very yum cheese.

Also took some photos out and around the bay area. Now, while inside I had glanced up to the second story to see a security guard hanging out. I could have sworn I heard him call out to me, but A) I tend to ignore that shit and B) I tend to ignore that shit. A while later, I was outside heading towards the corner of the pier when I heard, "Excuse me, miss!" and turned to see the same security guard. Fuck, I thought, I'm totally going to get in trouble for shooting the store interiors.

Nope. Motherfucker wanted to give me tips on the best place to shoot above the building to get a view of the San Francisco Bay. WTF. It was very friendly, but I'm not crazy to have been at least a little paranoid, right?



Anyhoo, took the cable car back down California to Powell where I hopped out to head down to Union Station, the shopping area. There was a Macy's and Neiman's right on the streets, but I admit it was the Victoria's Secret I was thrilled to see, as I TOTALLY forgot to pack something strapless with my dress for the wedding. $45 goddamn dollars later, I found something. Seriously, all their bras are that much and I wasn't even completely in love with it like I get with Frederick's merchandise. TMI, moving on.

Also, GOD BLESS NEUTROGENA and their continuous spray non-greasy 70 SPF sunspray. Did I mention it's ri-cockulously hot here? I bake bright red like a little lobster, so I sprayed that baby all over me (and found 2 very snazzy shot glasses for the ladies at work, too.)

If I learned nothing else from my time in Cambodia, it's that when it's this fucking hot during the day, you hit the hotel around 2 for a nap/bath. Seriously, they always made us do that. I loved them. So I hit my new favorite store, this place called BEVMO!! right across from the hotel that sells liquor, wine, beer, snacks (GOOD stuff, like nice cheese and everything)--and great craft/local beer/wine, not just generic crap--I could have mounted the store if people hadn't been around--and I am now popping the cork on some California champagne to go with my Miette cupcakes. One survived better than the other. And since the white one is meringue, it's really just stuck in that shape. But still oh-so-tasty...





Also going to pop in some 24 and have a much-needed bath.

Want to hit the Balboa later, a theatre in the vein of what I want to open and which was started by the guy who founded Landmark. (And whom I once spoke with due to my position at my last job). They only have 2 screens, so they are showing Iron Man and Prince Caspian. Obviously I'd have to see the latter (not that I would totally object to a re-watch of the former), but it's FAR from here. I either have to walk my ass off or figure out the BART.

And it's in "the Richmond," which has endless Streets of Fire lines going through my head.

But I should go. And there is a wicked seafood place near here called Crustacean I'd like to hit, but it's quite pricey. It's San Francisco, you have to do decent seafood, but I also spent more today than I meant to...

It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.

Okay, no Spyder for me. (I would have posted yesterday afternoon had I bought it, undoubtedly!) The engine had been rebuilt and it had had its head gasket replaced, something that, with its mileage, never should have had to happen. My mechanic said he wouldn't buy it. I wasn't too disappointed--I had a feeling it wasn't going to be right.

But driving it!!! WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

It was a very Ferris Bueller morning.

People are not shitting when they say it is a TINY FUCKING CAR!! First of all, the engine is behind the seats, so there really doesn't seem to be a "trunk" and the only space is created when I scootch my seat up. The top of the windshield is RIGHT THERE and you kinda have to crawl out when you open your door. Truthfully? It might actually be a little tiny for my taste.

I shall keep searching. Perhaps for a slightly larger convertible. Suggestions, if anyone has any, are more than welcome! (I still hugely covet the Streets of Fire car, but can we say "custom built?")

But I had so much fun driving (particularly on the highway, my route back) with my ipod--I seem to have prepared a selection of Nine Inch Nails, Depeche Mode, a few 80s selections, Modeselektor, Morphine, to name a few, for the drive. omg. I might have accidentally missed my exit once. Or twice.

Holy shit, can that baby accelerate. Wheeeeee! It was also a tiny bit weird because once I put the top down it felt a little like, "LOOK AT ME."

Then I headed out to Addison to see my stylist Johnie for highlights, so it wasn't a bad day at all.

Today has been far more domestic, I've been painting all day while watching 24, Sex and the City, Dinner For Five and I just started The Lost Room (Sci-Fi mini-series with Peter Krause), which is decent so far.

But now I need to shower as I'm gross and don't want to offend the other people watching Indiana Jones.

And it's always there, in the lower right hand corner, just waiting to suck.

Not a whole lot has been going on. I finally got motivated to paint my master bathroom and vanity area. When I first bought this place nearly two years ago, I painted THE SHIT out of it, as it was basically covered in wallpaper. So it took a while for me to care about that last little part that no one would see.

Having an entire box set of Sex and the City helps pass the painting time. I'll have to take some pics...

I also finally bought and read Almost Home, which is part I of Damien Echols' autobiography. Not as depressing as you might think (except that the book apparently had NO EDITOR whatsoever as there were a crapload of typos). Interesting and quite short, and although in Paradise Lost he was already the most well-spoken person in the entirety of West Memphis, Arkansas, (a freakshow of a town if there ever was one), it's more than apparent that consuming endless books has only made him more so. The book was arranged by Margaret Cho back in 2004, but very little seems to have changed in the last four years, as he's still on death row.

On a way more superficial note, D's "service engine light" soon came on the other day. In what was surely a moment of frustration, he said he probably just needs a new car. (Only last year we had to spend around $2,000 fixing it). It's a 1997 Ford Escort, so you can see how futile it may be to piss money away on it. Though my 2000 Jetta has more miles, it's also the better car. His car may not be an expensive fix (hahaha), but it was slow enough at work that I started poking around cars.com anyway. And you know, you always start by looking at the car you WANT.



And I seem to have run across my baby, though naturally he has a ton of miles on him and he's a 2000. (How the fuck else would I be able to potentially afford him, otherwise?) So I'm going to swing by this morning before my hair appointment and either give him a test drive or get my mechanic to check him out. The car place is on Division St, not the greatest part of town, so I'm going into this with major doubts.

But if nothing else, I will get to play in a Spyder this morning! He's very sexy. The downside I'm expecting is rear visibility (when the top is up, obviously). And one of his major downsides I already know about is NO ROOM, though not sure I care. I just keep thinking of Go when Jay Mohr yells at Scott Wolf, who can't fit anything in the trunk of their car, "STOP!!! IT'S A MIATA!!"

This might also answer the question, "Do you plan on procreating?"

Spiiider...he is our hero!

And can you believe I have yet to see Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? With any luck, that'll get remedied tonight.

No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.

I realize it's hardly a noteworthy position to take, but I really am loving Narrow Stairs, the new Death Cab For Cutie album. Not sure it could ever top Plans for my favorite, but great stuff, as always.

God, I didn't think that just because you get an "F" you have to take the whole class over again.

So I was watching a disc of Dinner for Five this morning while getting ready for work and laughed my ass off. If you've never seen it, DFF is hosted by Jon Favreau as he and a bunch of actors eat dinner and talk about random shit.

As this one started, the waiter came around to take their drink orders. Someone asked Jon if they'd be drinking wine, to which he replied yes and asked the waiter about some wine he'd spotted on his way in. "I saw the boxes downstairs of Opus wine, can we order that?"

"Opus wine? Where's that from?" someone asked.

Without missing a beat, David Cross deadpanned, "Opus wine? It's from Bloom County."

Ignore her. She's drunk. At least I hope she is. Otherwise I'm in real trouble.

So this was the route to the wedding...the Golden Gate Bridge! It was nearly covered in fog when we came back, very impressive.



And this was the site of the wedding, it was the one they originally wanted and despite a blazing sun all day, made for a very gorgeous setting.



Here are both dresses, D was wondering what the Korean dress looked like since I didn't post it from the other day, so I'll post one of the whole dress, too...



The Korean dress has a giant petticoat underneathe and while it wasn't exactly smothering, it was apparently "really fucking hot."





And here's Emily's family, including her three brothers...(and a brand-new nephew)!



And I thought of nicking these umbrellas for you, mom, as I know you've been searching for cute ones for Sophia and Fiona...(but she looks like she's on to me).



Emily's very cool friend Lynne gave me a ride back since we were staying in the same area. I was impressed she was willing to drive at all in the city (though she is currently living in Chicago). I drive in Dallas, I don't know why the idea of driving in a big city scares the piss out of me, it just does. And as I said, it wouldn't be San Francisco without fog:



I have plenty of pics from Friday, my day out and about on my own, but I'll post them later. I can only say: cupcakes.

That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.

And then they were married...

The room number, Benjamin. I think you ought to tell me that.

Hi all! This is how fucking cool it is to have a laptop. I can write from my hotel room AND post pics!

Got in thirty minutes early yesterday on a direct flight (another clue I'm getting older is my eager willingness to pay more if it means a direct flight). SFO airport is pretty close to San Mateo, where Emily and Gene live, so we stopped by the apartment, where Emily's mother was already freaking out because Emily's younger brother was being difficult about making his flight (everything worked out).

Emily and I walked down the street for lunch (they are within walking distance of great places to eat, cool grocery shops--several of which are little Japanese shops and if one were intoxicated enough, might forget where in the hell one was to begin with). Loaded up on my favorite snackies for later, forgoing anything completely chocolate as it has been HOTTER THAN HELL! Seriously, way hotter than Texas.

Thanks to every single person who said it would be freezing, wtf.

Anyhoo, lunch was had at a place called Amici's, which had great pizza and really great local beer:



Popped back up to the apartment before heading out for errands (you would not believe how many stores DON'T have tall, clear square vases) and I got a snap of the wedding dress, which you can't see too well here. It has a very classy, vintage thing going on.



And there will be a traditional Korean dress as well, which is in pieces at the moment, but here's a clue...



(Emily's mom was a little irked, as Emily really wanted purple but purple is usually for funerals). The yellow bit shown here is just a small part of it.

Also stopped off for an "up-do consultation" at the hair place, as Emily had no idea what she wanted done, just up and not overstyled. She was mostly worried about having a ton of hairspray in her hair or it being too huge. The first thing the stylist said was that she needed a ton of hairspray and then started to make it huge. (But apparently these things are necessary and it won't be all 80s crunchy like I know we were imagining).



If you look real closely...you can tell how much Emily loves having her picture taken. (Or even if you just glance).



She has that "tolerance" look completely nailed, if you ask me!





But her hair is going to look great and it was a very successful trip. They can't do her hair til 10.00 and the wedding is at 1.00 (well, 1.30 but they said 1.00 so there wouldn't be any stragglers). So hopefully plenty of time not to be rushed.

I then got dropped off at my hotel, so Emily could go to her father's 70th birthday dinner. I cleaned up and dried off (did I mention it was FUCKING HOT yesterday?) and set off in search of tempura. My hotel has a great location, within walking distance to a ton of crap I plan to amuse myself with today.

Last night I was near Japantown...



See? And yet, bam, that's a Korean place right there. Whatev.

Ended up eating an incredibly mediocre set dinner, but an average set dinner involving miso soup and tempura is still a thousand times better than a disappointing burger.

Awed by all the stoops and homes nearby that I covet as much as I do when I watch the movies that feature them.



Just one of the many little balconies I will be needing on my home here.



Very cute, but I'm going to need at least one balcony.



Anyhoo, today I'm hoping to take the cable car that runs up California Street to the Ferry Building, where they have an awesome bakery, cheese shop and I believe there may be wine. I do have the day to myself, so if I end up in San Jose or something (i.e., completely lost), you will eventually hear about that, too.

People don't just bump into each other and have sex. This isn't Cinemax.

Knowing I'm from Denton, everyone has been sending me this New York Times article on my little town. My sister and I agree a blow job was definitely involved some time during the writing of said article.

But Little D has a great music scene I don't even seem to know about! Must uh, go visit?

They do get a -5 for calling Denton "the next Austin," a tired phrase that will just never, ever be true.

Hey, do you wanna come over to my place before the party? Some of the guys from shipping are coming over and they're bringing tequila and bubble wrap.

I'm having wine and watching 27 Dresses because sometimes I just have to hurt myself that way. But I had to login to post that line because damn if that isn't the best line I've heard all year.

I'm fifteen minutes in and I have a feeling that's going to be as good as it gets.

Okay, I'm definitely in the slow sexual group if even Charlotte is open to this.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee! It's PINK and FUZZY and it's mineminemine! Very sexy box set.

And D wants to watch all of them with me before the movie comes out at the end of the month. Aw!!

Maybe there won't be marriage, maybe there won't be sex, but by God there'll be dancing!

Hooray, finally bought my San Francisco ticket. They had cheaper tickets, but I paid a little more in order to have a flight time of under four hours rather than 7-8 hours, plus this flight gets in Thursday morning rather than Friday night. Gee.

But that will be the weekend after next, as Emily is getting married May 17th. D unfortunately cannot go, as they are opening a brand new store and that's their big weekend. So I'll be piddling around on my own! At least I'll have a bitchin' camera with me, either cinema Mark's or my own. But since I'm not planning on shooting a wedding with a point-and-shoot, I'll have someone's sweet camera with me for sure!

And the honeymoon is going to be Bali...



Which, you know, looks okaaaay I guess. If you're into that sort of thing. Which I am.

Finally saw Lars and the Real Girl, which I started to think was going to be depressing. However, it was really cute and sweet.



That is definitely one small town, but I was willing to go with it. Very cute and very unusual.

I also started A Boy and His Dog--this sci-fi thing on my Netfux queue that, thanks to my laptop, I was able to start on instant download. I almost said screw it after ten minutes, but it seems to have a rabid following of (potentially delusional) fans who have given it four stars. I'll get back to it later, but a voiced-over dog and a very young Don Johnson aren't enough so far.

And The Savages arrived in the mail yesterday, so time to hide the razors!

Victory is the same as defeat. It's giving in to destructive competitive urges.

I nearly crapped myself just now, logging in to check my bank account. The US Treasury Department seems to have left me a little gift I wasn't expecting for another two months.

Now I just have to make sure to pay bills with it rather than shop. I'll show them.

Let's face it. This isn't the worst thing you've caught me doing.

Nice job, very decent. I'd say A-. I have no idea how true it is or isn't to the original material, but it was fun all the same.



The shows really didn't come close to selling out and my friend J says they're already making excuses for poor performance, e.g., "Well, Grand Theft Auto IV came out this week." And while that sounds lame, it may very well be true. It doesn't help that Speed Racer comes out next week and the competition only gets rougher from there. (Been hearing some pretty cruel things about Speed Racer, btw, not that anyone's watching for the plot.)

And I finally got to see the completed project for MST3K and was very excited that it's still largely my edit--the Mike half had some tinkering, and rightly so, as I'm far less familiar. But the Joel half and most of the montage was pretty much left alone. (I also got a kick out of hearing that the audience went crazy when Manos and Mitchell came on-screen.)

Ok, off to work where I guess some of my co-workers have exciting social lives...or at least very interesting ones.

I prefer the weapon you only need to fire once. That's how dad did it, that's how America does it, and it's worked out pretty well so far.

HAPPY 500TH POST TO ME!!!!!!!

Anyhoo, woo hoo! Iron Man tonight, 8:55pm, baby. Gonna be sooooo much fun. (See? I didn't say "good," I said, "so much fun.")



I got some good news about the MST3K short: even though I posted 2 days ago that my name was nowhere to be found on the production or programs, the tribute was just now given an ending title card that named the three of us who worked on it as having produced and edited, which is the copy going out to the MiSTie crew. Whee! Aaaaaand, it's going up on YouTube where it will also bear the names! I'm very excited. I just might put a link in here when it does.

So Austin! We got in Friday night after a very nice day wandering around Denton (who woulda thunk?) and then some Jazz Fest yummies. Honey popcorn, shrimp po'boys, fried Snickers, fried pickles, lots of "exotic" beer (to be fair, I did have a Hawaiian beer), you name it. Bitchin' good food.



See? Fried pickles, not lying.

And Alex, Vel and I set off for Austin that night, getting in around midnight and just missing a horrendous storm. We stayed with Triana and her hubby J, who have a fantabulous new home in south Austin with great trees and a very private backyard I highly covet. *Adorable* cats, too, whose pics I will have to post later as I'm out and about and don't have them on this laptop.

The next day was Wild Seed Farms (I think I got that right), containing an incredible butterfly house (hence the fornicating monarchs in the previous post). So I don't know what these flowers are, but they were hella impressive and here's a butterfly sampling. Again, I only uploaded a few pics before leaving the house this morning!





This field demands frolicking and I refrained.



I spent way too long focusing on this rose bush stuck in a wagon, much in a someone-is-purchasing-this-bush fashion. Sure enough I finish snapping and Triana clues me into the patient woman waiting for me to finish photographing her purchase. Oh well, at least it's a confirmation that you're buying a worthy item when others feel the need to photograph it...

Then we hit a number of wineries, which will have to be the next post. I have already sampled one of them, and I'm going to need more info I can't get at the moment. SOooooooooooooo much fun, though.

I started this earlier today and am wrapping up at Gloria's outside the Studio Movie Grill. Already got tickets for the 8:55, which J informs me has yet to arrive. It had better. On the cool side, he still has to screen it as well, so he may just mark off three "reserved" seats in the auditorium for us all. Suh-weet.

So I'm outside tapping away using their internets and sipping margaritas. If there is a yuppie merit badge somewhere I just earned the hell out of it.

Btw, best conversation all week at work:

Co-worker: Wow, these are like new, new twenties. Like, new.

Me: I hate new bills, they stick together.

Co-worker: Really? But they're so perfect for snorting coke.

Me: ...

Anyhoo. Back to anticipating the Robert Downey Jr awesomeness and my strawberry margaritas...